What I Should Be Blogging About

I could blog about how we just enjoyed our first Christmas as a family of three.
I would write about how much fun we had, how much food was enjoyed, and how Charlotte was the bomb in general.
I could blog about how a certain 1st birthday is approaching very rapidly and how it freaks me out.
I could even blog about how my neighbor wrote a book for NaNoWritMo and it features only the most magnificent people on our street including yours truly. It's important that I mention this, since it supposedly excites the neighbors to be included in my blog posts.

But I don't feel like it. I'm in a bit of a strange funk and it's hard to describe. I feel sort of selfish lately. I feel like I've been missing out on fun times, even though I'm pretty sure I haven't. For some reason, I feel a sense of nostalgia when recalling the past. It's not that I'm not satisfied with where I am (because I most certainly am), it's more that I worry that my best years may already be behind me. Today I was complaining about feeling/looking haggard while I'm pretty confident that my husband continues to get better with age. And basically, I'm feeling sorry for myself. And with a new year approaching, I tend to do my usual reflection on the year that has past...and it's the biggest jumbled blur...and I feel like I'm supposed to say it was the best year of my life and I've never had so much fun and I feel more fulfilled than I ever have <--well, that's sort of true.
But it simply wouldn't all be true. Sleep deprivation defined more than half of the year. The other half was defined by my dissatisfaction with my bulges and bumps and attempts at self improvement. I'm not sure what I should have expected with a year of motherhood under my belt, and in reality, this probably isn't too far off from my expectations. This is beginning to sound quite depressing and that's totally not my point. I'm just sharing. So stop giving me a dirty look.

Next time I promise a brighter and cheerier post. But only if I feel like it.

Something Smells Funny

This morning my nearly 4 year old dog, Darby refused to go in her crate. Normally this is not a problem, but for some particular reason, today she decided be stubborn. I had tried a few times, put my coat on, put Charlotte's coat on, and tried again. I'm practically chasing her around the house to get her to go upstairs.

She's actually been quite good over the last few months. I've been home a lot more, and when I do leave for an hour or two at a time, she's completely fine.

Since I was running late, per usual, I decided she would be just fine hanging out today.

I didn't think about it until I was on my way home this evening and a wave of terror washed over me. I realized it had been a long day. What did she get into? I panicked. I went back and forth with myself, thinking she probably just layed around all day, and then thinking that she ate the house.

This is what I came home to:

• scraps of cardboard from a light bulb box all over the floor
• a light bulb (thankfully!)
• a chewed up pacifier
• a chewed up dog bone
• a not chewed up blanket
• multiple baby socks not chewed
• a chewed up nook cover. <-- this is when I started to go crazy
• a chewed up duvet cover
• a chewed up pillow
• lots and lots of fluff from said pillow
• a spoon
• a nasty, gassy farty dog.

I guess I learned my lesson. Hopefully she digests everything and we don't discover more things out in the back yard. Rhodesian Ridgebacks are known to be destructive dogs and Darby proves that right.
The funny thing is, she's never tried to get into the trash. I'm about ready to introduce her. At least we were already throwing those things away...

I'm stressed out this week (and it's Monday!?) so I'm having a giant glass of a beautiful buttery oaky chardonnay in lieu of dinner.

Where Are My Magical Powers?

So I've been on this clean eating/weight loss kick for 8 weeks now. I've cut out most processed foods, I drink a cup or two of green tea daily, I've lost nearly 10 lbs. But um...I don't feel any different. Where is my glowing beautiful skin? Where is my boundless energy? Why do I still have internal conflict every.single.day about NOT getting fast food?
I know. I need to work out. It's been nearly 2 years since I had my awesome fitness routine and I felt amazing. I did Insanity a couple months ago but only lasted about 3 weeks.

I randomly started getting email newsletters from a local personal trainer and I thought it was spam. I ignored it. They kept coming. I started to read them. I became intrigued. He's offering free sessions and I don't know if I should try it. (The place where he trains also offers classes) It's a big time commitment and with Marcus busy two evenings of the week already, that means I would have to work out on nights that he is home, and then we would never see each other. So that leaves the "work out at home" option. booo. I need motivation. And apparently my squishy gut isn't motivating enough.

You know what isn't motivating? The fitness boards on Pinterest. If I have to see one more hot girl's abs with tips on how to stay trim...I might lose my cool. I saw this tip somewhere : Eat ice chips when you feel hunger coming on." Woah woah woah sister. That is a TERRIBLE idea. The reason she looks so amazing is because she works out for 2 hours a day, 7 days a week. Good for her.<tramp>




"5 Rounds 20x squats, 20x pushups, 20x situps and a big ass boob job"
via:http://pinterest.com/pin/94575660894473758/

 I WILL NEVER LOOK LIKE THIS NO MATTER HOW MANY ROUNDS I DO. Ugh.

EDIT: I'm not saying I want to look like that...I'm just saying that no amount of  "working out" would make anyone look like that. except them, apparently.

I'm bad at Christmas

I love getting people gifts. I love the idea of finding something that I feel like they would really like and surprising them. I like wrapping it up all nice with a matching ribbon and putting it under the Christmas tree.
I do not like waiting until Christmas to give them. Not one bit. Every year I've given Marcus an early gift because I simply cannot wait.
Today, during Charlotte's nap time, I was wrapping up some gifts. But by the time she woke up, I wasn't quite finished. I had one gift left to wrap.
It was hers.
So I let her play with it while it was still in the box.
But she liked it so much, I took it out of the box.
And she played with it for nearly 30 minutes.






She loved it. And yes, she's almost always pantsless by 4pm.




















 I reluctantly repackaged it so I can wrap it up and put it under the tree and save it until Christmas...but I just couldn't resist a little teaser.

I hope she's still surprised... :)

Randomness

Here are my random thoughts for Tuesday, November 29.

Me to the car in front of me : Why are you slowing down? Oh, are you turning into your driveway? Why don't you use your blinker, you idiot? Why do you wait until your garage door is all the way up before pulling into your driveway? Don't you realize I'm behind you and I have to go to the bathroom so I'd like to get home?

Today I feel like an grumpy old lady. I was shopping at a (one of my favorite) kid's clothing store today. The teen sales associate asks if there's anything she can help me with. When I asked her a question, she answered with "Ugh. my brain is fried! FINALS!!!" <silence and a crinkled brow by yours truly>  Maybe it's because I work in customer service or maybe it's because I'm a grumpy old lady, but seriously, chick? Your job is to help, especially since you asked me if you could help. Your job is not to tell me that you cannot actually help me because you have been facebook chatting about why Team Edward would dominate Team Jacob on the streets of Detroit and looking at damnyouautocorrect.com when you should be studying for finals, you dingbat.

There is a sickness going around, and it's miserable. I'm doing better, but my husband isn't feeling so well. But regardless of that, he's meeting some clients for dinner, doing some Christmas shopping, and playing a soccer game, just to wake up for a 7am meeting tomorrow. Dude, take care of yourself!

Have I shared my glitter obsession with you this year? I have ALWAYS loved all things sparkly, but this year it is out in FULL FORCE, yo! And the worst part is, I have no holiday parties to attend! What the what!? How can one wear sequins to an office and not look like they've gone insane? I know Glamour would have all kinds of suggestions on how to wear them during the day, but Glamour doesn't work at a medical supply company.

My dog is currently acting a fool. She got spooked by the couch and is now laying on top of me. The couch did nothing to her, exept allowing her years of comfort.

Charlotte is almost 1. oh. m. g.

EDIT: I forgot to mention the total creeper Santa we met today! He was crabby, his beard was yellow, and he was anything but jolly. His beard was yellow.

Thankful

Today I am more thankful than I've ever been. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams.
It's so easy to take what we have for granted, and just rattle off what we're thankful for without really reflecting on it. But today, I truly have thought this out.
My husband and I both have jobs that enable us to stay on top of our bills and then some.
We have a stocked fridge and pantry with nutritious food.
We have a warm home, even if we choose to keep it at arctic temperatures.
We have a beautiful daughter who is healthy, smart, strong, funny and the stinking light of my life.
We have "we". A wonderful marriage (that of course is not wonderful every moment) - my husband is easily the greatest man I know. He is reasonable and level headed which is the perfect balance to my crazy and impulsive nature.
We have wonderful and loving families.
We are so healthy it's sickening.

I'm not sure what we did to deserve this crazy outpouring of blessings but I am so grateful. SO grateful.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, friends.

Baby Talk

Tonight I am saying special prayers for some special people.

One friend in the adoption process. It must be such a long journey with lots of roadblocks. But I will pray for patience for you.
Two friends who have newborn babies. If you're reading this, it's okay to lose your mind by week three, but praying that it won't come to that.
Three friends who are waiting for those two pink lines.
And a few more friends who wait as their due date approaches.

Wishing you all a restful night where you can feel a sense of peace.

xoxo
Emily

Raise Your Hand If You're Perfect!

I had a few friends share a link on facebook today. It's about crazy perfect moms. You know the ones who do everything just right all of the time, yadda yadda yadda...and how we have so much pressure to be that way...you can read it here.

I have a confession. I'm perfect.

omg just kidding that's not what I was going to confess.

I am confessing that I don't feel remotely bad about not being perfect. Yeah, I have bad days. I have days where I turn on back to back episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba on Demand for my TEN month old. I am fully aware that the American Academy of Pediactrics says no television until your kid is 2 or something, but seriously? Do they remember what it's like when your kid drops a nap?

I would love a clean house and a stocked pantry and folded laundry and groomed brows. I would love to be on work on time every day and not be moody towards my husband. Bath time followed by quiet time and book reading sounds delightful, but sometimes it's a sticky faced child feeding herself a bottle while I load the dishwasher. This all sounds great, but I don't feel bad about it. The only thing is that I almost feel like I should feel bad. This is so screwed up!

Dr. Meeker has a great point when she asks what children really want from their moms. "If you are brutally honest, you will discover that kids need mothers who love them, value them and adore them. When they leave home they need to have a deep sense that they are valued and loved for who they are. They don’t need us to perform for them; they need us to love being with them."

Somehow (and perhaps I should credit my own mother for this), I came into motherhood already feeling this way. I certainly hope that Charlotte grows up feeling loved, valued, and adored, rather than grossed out that there was dog hair on her pacifier and crumbs under her highchair. (The dog gets those anyway.)

Ok. where was I? Oh yes, my point. My point/question is : Am I the ONLY one who doesn't feel the need to be a perfect mom? (And I hesitate to ask, because I feel like I am!!)

Food Blog

Ok. It's not ready yet, but I am working on it. I have a few unpublished posts and a terrible layout. It's just embarrassing.
I will say that weight watchers is going awesome. I've been cooking SO much more and I really enjoy it.
Going to the meetings is probably the biggest help though. If you've ever tried weight watchers on your own and "failed" (whatever your definition might be) meetings are key! Weighing in each week and getting some tips and ideas to prepare you for the next week is what keeps me motivated. I've lost nearly 8 lbs in just under a month! If I could lose another 5-8, I'd be thrilled, and that seems like nothing when I really think about it. I feel so proud of myself (for once). I can't really tell a difference yet, but in the next few weeks, I feel like maybe I could wear a couple of things that have been hanging out in my closet for nearly 2 years.

Another change we've made over here in the last several weeks is that we're eating "clean". I found a blog called 100 Days of Real Food, and I've become pretty excited about it. I can't say we've completely jumped in, but I can count on one hand the times I've had something out of a bag, box, or can (besides tomatoes and beans) in the last month. That's less than 5 times or way less if you have fewer fingers! But I have 5.
I didn't think I could do it. But it's sort of come easy!

After talking with our friends in Italy, we realized one of the major differences with food here vs there, is that everything here is so convenient, but so over processed. It's not how many calories or even the portion (well, obviously some portions are too large) size, but it's what's in our food that can be so disgusting. I really do not want to eat things that I cannot pronounce. And I'm really good at sounding out new words. I want to eat real food and I want to live a long and healthy life.

I'll save my spiel for my actual food blog...whenever she's ready. But I just wanted to share that it works! And we've eaten better and more delicious food than we have in months!

Anyone else make the committment to eating clean, or what steps have you taken in the right direction?

Laundry Commercials

For as long as I can remember, commercials for laundry detergent featured frustrated moms whose life's purpose was to make their family's clothing bright, crisp, and clean. She would lose sleep over her son's stained orange cummerbund, or blow her wispy bangs up with exasperation over her husbands "ring around the collar." What will she ever do?!

Even in the past few years, they deliver pertty similar messages. How will she get those stains out?!
My husband and I tend to do our laundry separately, just because it's always been that way. But if there's ever a question about stain removal, it usually ends up being my job. It's sort of weird how these roles are assumed. But it wasn't until after Charlotte arrived that I actually became that frustrated mom wanting to keep those little baby clothes from looking all faded and stained. Seriously? I never thought it would happen.

But that's not really the point! The point is that there is finally a commercial starring a "stay at home dad" by Tide. High five for P&G for changing up the gender roles for a minute. It's a cute commercial, really.

I love how he holds up a little girl dress and calls it a "thing". And in true man-form, references "problem solving" because that's how men approach everything.

That's all for my random thoughts of the day.

Go Ahead, Laugh At Me

But you might feel bad about it.

Today was one of the crappiest days I had in a while...as far as everything-going-wrong type of days go. I mean, when I think about it, I realize it's not bad. At all. But in the midst of trying to not go bat-shit crazy, it's hard to have perspective.

Let's start at the beginning. Time change. That effer can really screw with you. My facebook friends will already know that I took to the interwebs to voice my frustration, but that was really only the beginning.
I had to leave my house by 7am this morning, earlier, if I wanted to be on time for once. Well, at 6:45, my Charlotte-alarm was squealing and I leaped out of bed in a panic, wondering how much dry shampoo it would take to make my hair look like it had been wet-shampooed. I make a bottle and bring Charlotte to our bed and hope that Marcus can stay in bed with her for a few more minutes while I shower. (I decided I didn't want to waste an entire can of dry shampoo.) After I emerged from the bathroom, Marcus groggily asks me why I have to be to work so early...? Meanwhile it's actually FIVE FIFTY FIVE. AND MY DAUGHTER IS UP FOR (WHAT SHE THINKS) THE DAY. Ho, no. I got lucky and she went back to sleep.  Score for me.
I was able to get ready without too much annoyance, save finding a dirty thermos that had a little puddle of old coffee in it when all I needed was a clean thermos...
I load Charlotte up and head to my mom's to drop her off for the day. It's about a 20 minute drive, and then back another 20 minutes to work. Marcus had loaded up an old crappy air compressor in the back of my van since he just sold his Explorer and replaced it with a tiny impractical car. (I suppose that's an entirely different story.) He told me to go easy on my brakes and watch it on the curves because the air compressor may not stay upright. By the time I made it to the edge of our neighborhood, the stupid piece of crap went crashing over, terrifying me and my daughter and leaking oil in my sweet mom-ride.
So I move over to the side of the road and I try to lift it back up. I am wearing a skirt, tights and a dress coat. I'm crawling into the back of my van and surveying the oil spill dressed like a congress woman. (or a flight attendant, or librarian, as I'm often mistaken for. oh, and preschool teacher.) I attempt to lift the big dirty beast and it won't budge. I call Marcus and am very rude. I call my mom to see if she can meet me a little closer to the highway to save some time.
After I made it to the the highway exit, I transferred my kiddo into my mom's car and asked if she could maybe help me. I was able to lift up the compressor and adjust some newspaper to soak up some of the oil, but I can tell it's not going to stay in this position for long. There were some bungees and tow straps "holding it in place" but they may as well have been birthday party streamers as they were draped gracefully throughout the back of my van.
I said my goodbyes to Charlotte and my mom took the diaper bag and asked, "Where is her bottle?"
My spirit crumbled. How could I have forgotten?! My mom offered to pick one up at a near by store, knowing they don't have "her kind", but anything would do, right?!
I left for work, called my boss and said I needed to drop the oil monster to my husband's work because I wasn't going to leave it in my car all day. Within moments, it crashed onto it's side once again, even louder than before. I tried to adjust again after pulling into a gas station, but cannot get it to budge. Really missing the ol' personal trainer right about now. (I just asked Marcus, the compressor weighs 100 lbs. That explains my inability to lift it.)
I was 45 minutes late to work with an oil slick in my car, dirty hands, and a headache. It wasn't long after that my mom notified me that Charlotte refused to take the new bottle and protested loudly about it. It was going to be a long-ass day.
I honestly tried so hard during my 40 extra minutes of driving to be thankful amidst what I felt least thankful for. You know, taking a hint from all of the people doing 30 days of thanks on facebook or their blogs. I felt guilty for not praying the moment that I felt anger creeping in. Anger at Marcus for making me cart around what I felt to be a dangerous greasy time bomb, anger at myself for not being more responsible for setting my alarm properly, for remembering a bottle, and then forgetting a co-workers birthday card even though I just stopped at the store. I felt sorry for myself because on top of that, I felt like a pathetic wife and mother. Seriously, why couldn't I just get it together? I've been working harder at praying before I let things get out of hand. It doesn't always come naturally, and sometimes it doesn't feel like it's working.
I wanted people to coddle me and tell me that yes, my morning did suck, but then tell me how awesome I was and how clean my hair looked. But no one would. I can't rely on other people to make me feel better about myself.
I need to work harder on talking with God during those long car rides instead of fuming and getting more angry. It gets me nowhere.
So, I've determined something to be thankful for throughout my craptastic morning. I'm thankful that these days are (relatively) few and far between, and I'm thankful that even though I felt like I had worked a full day even before arriving at my job, I had a reminder that I need to spend more time in prayer. That in itself is probably worth it...and maybe, just maybe there will be even fewer craptastic days because of it.

side note: Charlotte refused her bottle all day, just as she had my first week back to work. But Marcus was able to pick her up a bit early. And that made me happy.

Dressing a Little Girl

On my days home with Charlotte, I've started to notice a fascinating phenomenon.
When I get her dressed in the morning, it's usually sort of fun. We have a few combos to choose from!
Do you want to wear your owl leggings with your ruffle shirt, or with your striped sweater? Or do you want to wear your owl t shirt with your striped leggings? Let's put a denim skirt over your leggings. And a vest.
Oh look! Matching socks...and this headband matches too!
10:30am: Hey, where did that headband go?
11:45: Let's take that skirt off. You don't need it and you can barely crawl when you're wearing it.
12:30: You're all sweaty! No need for this hooded vest, besides I can barely fit you in the carseat with all that extra bulk.
After her afternoon nap: Where did your other sock go? Here it is. Why is it all wet? And why do you have lint in your mouth?
So at this point, she's down to leggings, shirt and one dry sock.
3:30: Let's change your diaper! Oh boy. We're going to have to put these pants in the laundry.
By 5:30 when Marcus gets home from work, we're lucky if she has a shirt on. Seriously.

I'm nowhere close to learning a lesson here. Because I will be dressing her in layers tomorrow too. If we didn't, who knows what she'd be wearing by the end of the day.

Wagon Talk

Remember all that wagon talk from a couple of weeks ago? Well, I joined Weight Watchers. My mom and I have been going for almost two weeks now, and it's going pretty well.
I've done it in the past (about 4 years ago) and was successful. I always figured I could just do it on my own, but it never works for me. It's the accountability that I need. Knowing that I have to weigh in each week is huge motivation. My mom and I exchange delicious and healthy recipes and it's actually pretty fun to plan a meal. I do love to cook, and it's odd because I find I cook the "best" food while I'm watching my pudge.
My jeans are already fitting a little bit better and with my 10 year class reunion coming up, that's even more motivation.
My goal is to lose about 15 lbs. That would put me a bit lighter than I was before being pregnant, but I was working out like crazy then and was made of muscle. It's nuts to me that when I went back to work in April, I was smaller than I am now. Breastfeeding was good to me...stopping was not.  But no more excuses!!
Last time I did weight watchers, I had a little food blog that had about 4 views and 3 posts, but I am considering trying it out again and sharing my scale-friendly recipes. Would you check it out?

In other news, Charlotte is still giving me naptime grief, but does great for her grandmas. Whaa? Today she did go to sleep without a peep though, so hopefully we're getting over that stage. Sometimes I feel like she's not a little baby anymore. She's definitely not a toddler to me either, but she's like a baby tween. A boddler, maybe. I might have to come up with another tag other than sweet little munchkin baby. Maybe after her 1st birthday, I'll categorize it differently. I love how much fun she is lately, but when I hear and see news of friends becoming pregnant or delivering their baby...I get all misty and miss those newborn days ( a little ).
But no, it's not time for another one around these parts. Nosiree. I've been saying it out loud a little more often these days just to really reinforce it. For now. Baby fever is a virus that doesn't go away. My immunity is high at the moment. But as time goes by, I may get weaker. Oh! Perfect timing! Charlotte is shouting in her crib. Naptime over! Can't talk about little newborns! Gotta go! :)

O.M.Naps.

What in the WORLD happened to my good little sleeper? After all of tose sleep troubles, we finally got such a great sleeping baby. 2 (usually) long naps in the day and 12-13 hours at night without a peep.
This week, Charlotte has decided to cry for a good hour before napping. I've tried keeping her up a little bit longer thinking she might not be as tired, but then she cries and fusses when she's up. I've tried rocking her, and she throws herself out of my arms. The most she'd ever fuss would be maybe 5 minutes before falling asleep, but this 45-60 minute business is wearing me down!

We lowered her crib this week and I do wonder if that has anything to do with it. She's always sitting up and playing in her baby jail. She's always been just fine sleeping in her crib or pack n play. It's where she prefers to sleep. But now? Who knows.

Anyone else have sleep issues around 9 months with their kiddo?

My Sweet Little Charlotte

This little girl has been been making my heart melt into a big goopy puddle on a daily basis.



She is 9 months old and the most fun she's ever been.
She's crawling all over and experimenting with the steps. She wants to pull herself up but can't always make it all the way to her feet, so she "cruises" on her knees. It's adorable. (Well...I feel like everything she does is adorable at this point.)
Charlotte smiles at just about everyone and everything. She loves animals, especially Darby. And she finds it just as exciting to watch me play with Darby or other kids as it would be for me to play with her.
She loves every single food she's tried.
And lately she really likes to do eskimo kisses.
So since I have blogger's block, I will just share a few photos.

I've Fallen Off The Wagon

And I can't get up.

I feel like my life is in a state of chaos at the moment. I'm not talking about that "beautiful chaos" crap that having a child brings. I'm talking about "I just can't get my shit together" chaos.

Ive fallen off the eating right/fitness wagon that I was only on for a few weeks here and there. I have a random good day, but they're mostly filled with a donut hole, some cheez its, wine, and angry birds. It should be that I only have a random bad day. Time to switch it around.

I've fallen off "at least I'm attempting to stay on top of laundry and cleaning and cooking" wagon. I was never on that martha stewart freakishly tidy cute wagon. It's filled with a bunch of bitches and I want nothing to do with it.

I always brag about how I rarely get sick and should remember to stop myself from finishing the sentence because EVERY time within a week or so, I get a cold. So yes...I am getting a cold. It makes me crabby.

We joined our church almost 2 years ago, but haven't had a chance to get more involved, into a small group, etc...because I use my baby as an excuse. Even going to church on sunday has become so difficult because nearly every time we drop Charlotte off in nursery, I get paged at some point because she's so exhausted and doesn't have a place to sleep. (or the one time where they gave all the kids with teeth animal crackers and she didn't get one so she freaked the freak out!) Our services are at 8:30, 10 & 11:30. SURELY one of those times should work, right?! 8:30 would work if she slept until after 7:30, which does happen once in a while. By 9 am, this chick is ready for some zzz's. The nursery does have a pack in play, but it's in the area dividing the toddler room and the baby room. You think that's anywhere close to being a peaceful place to sleep? And on top of that, there are always 2-3 other kids that need a nap at the same time.
We've gone to 11:30 church, but since there is no service following, it goes reaaaalllly long and then we don't get home until ONE THIRTY. There goes Sunday!
My solution? Get a sitter on sunday morning to come to our house until she can stay awake a little longer in the morning. The hubs does not think this is the greatest solution, and thinks that we just need to keep experimenting. I'm all for testing the waters every few weeks or so to see what she can handle, but I just want some sort of routine on sundays and it simply doesn't exist.

In other non-whiney news, Charlotte is AWESOME. She had about 2 weeks of on and off crabby while a tooth was ready to break through, but now that it's through, she's SO happy. She's a fun little girl.

Okay. I'm not sure I'll have my crap together by my next post, but I'll work on it.
Adios for now!

Eurotrip

It's probably about time I get back to business on the blog. Well, as business-y as a casual blog can be.
Marcus and I returned safely from our Eurotrip late Thursday and it feels good to be back in the comforts of our own home. Leaving Charlotte was not easy, but after we were gone, it honestly was great. Since the trip was so far outside our regular routine, it didn't feel wrong that she wasn't there. I think if I were at home carrying on like normal and she were gone (for whatever reason) it would have been much, much tougher.
We had such a good time visiting our friends, Kris and Tiffany. Marcus grew up with Kris and now he is an Air Force pilot stationed in Italy.
I'll give a quick run down of the places we visited, and follow up with some more photos and stories in the near future. To attempt to create one big post would take too long...

We flew from Chicago to London where we had a 5 hour layover before our destination to Milan. Kris and Tiffany were kind enough to pick us up from the airport and drive us all the way back to their place (about 3 hours).
We spent time some time exploring the area and taking in the views:


We were greeted by these mountainous beauties at every turn




Lake Barcis



Lake Barcis again

 Marcus and I took the train to Venice for a Day:

We went to the opening day of Oktoberfest in Munich!!

A big highlight of our trip

And ended our trip with a few days at the breathtaking Lake Como :

A view from the hotel where we (sort of) stayed

It was an amazing trip, I'll be sure to share some more photos and details in the near future. We missed the conveniences of modern day life here in the states, and it took a few days to get used to not checking my phone every 30 minutes (or more!). But the experiences we had were priceless.
More to come...

The Ol' Pharmacy Switcheroo

Over Labor Day weekend, we headed up north to one of our favorite places : "the condo" in Suttons Bay. My in-laws have a place up there and we're fortunate enough that they love to share it with us.
After the whole doggie debacle that I mentioned here, we were happy to have Darby pretty much back to her old self for our weekend away.
Even though the weather was mostly crappy, we had a great time. On Saturday, my MIL, SIL and I spent much of the day together doing a little shopping, movie watching, and LOTS of wine tasting. oy!
We found out that there was going to be a fireworks show that evening and decided that it might be a good idea to get a sedative for our dog since she's been easily worked up in the last few months. I called our vet and requested that she call in an order to the local pharmacy and she said it would be no problem. So while we were out and about I stopped at the pharmacy to pick it up.
I walked in with my sister in law and told them that I had an order called in, and they asked my name. Here is how it all went down:
We walk in and there's a small line, so we're shopping around. I had to get some baby wipes and we were talking about childbirth. ya know, girl talk. It's now my turn in line.
Me: Hi! I have a prescription that was called in this morning.
Pharmacist: Okay, what is your name?
Me: Emily
P: Okay, great. Do you have insurance that you'd like us to bill?
Me: Um...? Well, it's for my....(about to say DOG)
P: Well we can see if it's covered for you! It should be!
Me: Uhh....okay??
At this point, I'm whispering to Megan about how it's for my dog...what do I do? Maybe it's under my name and I could get it covered by insurance? Is this insurance fraud? OMG what is going on?
So she runs my card after I handed it to her with trepidation. And now she's laughing. Oh crap! My face is turning red because I knew I should have just told her it was for my dog. But I can see that the pharmacist is equally embarrassed.
P: Oh my! I got very mixed up here. This is for your DOG, isn't it?!
Me: Yes! I was sort of confused when you asked for my insurance card but I thought I'd try (and I'm rambling and going on and on like an idiot)

She then explained that she got my prescription and another woman's mixed up. Perhaps she figured because I wasn't a Rhodesian Ridgeback trotting into the pharmacy, I wouldn't need the sedative that was ordered.
But the real reason she got them mixed up is because the other order was for nipple cream. Yes, she assumed it was I who needed nipple cream. She was getting more embarrassed as she told the story because she had no idea why she assumed it was for me, but I must have looked like I needed it??

Moral of the story: Next time you think it's a good idea bill your dog's medicine to your own health insurance, just remember that you'll end up needing nipple cream.
Wait, I guess there is no moral to this story.

CRAZY NIGHT

*Sigh*
Today was kind of an interesting day. Work was normal (well, if listening to a person talk on the phone 15 minutes straight, two of those minutes being only about the color pink is normal...) But it was after work that got pretty nuts.
After work, I drove to my mom's house to pick up Charlotte (who got her first tooth yesterday, and her second one any day now!) and chatted for a moment. I left by 5:40, and made it home at 6. It's usually quite a whirlwind after work between getting Charlotte home, fed, bathed, bottled (you know what I mean), and put to bed. It was going to be slightly busier today as I had a couple coming over at 7 to check out some furniture I have listed on Craigslist.
When I walked in the door I was greeted with a bitter, shit awful smell. It smelled as if Darby the dog must have had an accident...all over the house. The thing is, she's kept in her crate while we're at work. I got Charlotte out of her carseat and headed upstairs to let Darby out and the smell was getting unbearable.
I knew I was going to have quite the mess to clean up and didn't know when I was going to do it before our visitors showed up to buy check out our furniture.
Oh my word, I was right.
(If you're not interested in hearing about canine gastrointestinal adventures, you may want to stop here. If you're into it, enjoy!)
I put Charlotte down and gave her a graham cracker in hopes that it would keep her busy for a while.
Darby obviously got very ill during the day and absolutely couldn't hold it any longer. She went outside immediately and pooped non stop for over a minute. Then I noticed she was bleeding. Then she started throwing up. Then I thought she wasn't going to survive. Oh, my heart. I kept it all together and managed to get some things cleaned up while Sweet Charlotte chomped on her cracker. Marcus was on his way home and he told me I should call the vet.
With Darby's health history, I was very concerned that this could be something very serious. I was able to set up an appointment for about an hour later.
Between doing our crazy Charlotte routine, cleaning up for visitors, letting Darby in and out of the house to go to the ladies and barf...it was NUTS!
By some small miracle, I had fed Charlotte her pumpkin and bananas (yum!) gotten her bathed, and started her bottle when the people arrived to look at our stuff. Marcus had been home for about 10 minutes and was able to help me out.
The helpful news is that the couple is buying our furniture! Hooray! The not so helpful news is that I knew I'd be spending it on the vet visit.
We had a friend that was kind enough to come over and stay at our place with our sleeping baby while we went to the vet with Darby. She seemed to be perking up a bit, but we were still nervous.
After a delightful exam, it was determined that it was likely she just had a bug of sorts. I asked about the chances of her "outburst" being related to the mast cell tumors, and she said it was unlikely. Part of me is still not convinced, but hopefully we see her get back to her old self in a few days.
Clean up duty has just ended, Darby is resting, Charlotte is peacefully sleeping, and I'm having a little wine.





Darby got herself so worked up, she scraped her nose up in her crate

 I'm crossing my fingers for a good weekend up north with no incidents from the dog or baby! :)

The Ol' Shopping Dilemma

Um, if you remember ---> this post <---, you'll recall how sometimes shopping outside of the home is just not worth it.

With our upcoming vacation, I've been wanting to get a few new things. I could really use some new shoes.
I need good shoes for traveling, and unfortunately the ones I just got don't fit the bill.


oh, hey Cinque Terre, let's go for a walk.

I also wouldn't mind having just a couple of new shirts and maybe a dress. I dunno. I always get all shoppy when I have a vacation coming up. Whatever.

So here's where I'm conflicted: do I go *out* shopping? I can try everything on, see it in person, maybe get better sale prices than they have online..and hurry around to get it done in 2 hours because that's the window of opportunity my tricky daughter gives me...
OR, do I shop online while she sleeps and get more important business done during the day?
The risk I have with this option is: not realizing that I will have numb toes for 2 days after wearing the above shoes to a certain 10 year high school reunion.

My next question: how pathetic is it that my biggest conundrum in life as a parent is "to shop at the mall or shop online??"

L-A-M-E

Charlotte's Baptism

Today Charlotte was baptized! It was a beautiful service at our church and we really felt God's presence there today.
I have always loved our baptism services at church. We have some pretty amazing pastors who just have a great way with words.
I just love how Charlotte was welcomed into such a loving community of believers who promised to offer their support and prayers for her. And on top of that, it's a huge reminder of God's grace. As hard as it is to believe, Charlotte is not perfect. She was born into a world full of sin, and God has promised her the opporunity to have a fulfilled life amidst all of the garbage in the world.
While standing in front of the congregation, I was trying to hold it together as Pastor Joy talked about the hard times that are to come - how someday she might be feeling lonely (NO! I never want her to feel lonely!) and that life has so many challenges - and throughout all of it, God is faithful to his people. God reached out to my little Charlotte and promised her Hope! Oh, it brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.
Following her baptism (she tried to eat the bowl containing the water - no little splash of water for this baby! she's drinking it!) , our church has a tradition in which a family member brings her around and people offer their blessings and well wishes and it's absolutely amazing!! I followed Marcus as he marched her around. The first person we passed was a boy who was about 8 years old who held her feet and looked right at her and said "God bless you!" SERIOUSLY!? I somehow managed to keep it together. It always seems like I'm the only one who's super emotional about this stuff.

Overall, it was such a wonderful experience. We had our family over to our home afterwards and enjoyed the beautiful day!


I don't always put a giant flower on her head. :)
With Dad before the service





She loved making new friends




With the Grandparents



Love that smile!



Charlotte loves Kylie!

Happy Blogoversary!

Yesterday was my one year blogoversary!!
I've been oversharing for over 365 days!
To celebrate, I am sharing photos of the last year highlighting some events of each month.



With the help of my niece and nephews, we shared the news of our sweet baby girl joining the family!

They each unwrapped a gift bag and pulled out the cards. So fun!




In September, we babymooned in Miami! It was an amazing trip, I was totally spoiled. WTF am I doing, you ask? I had a lot of discomfort due to the kiddo (who was like a pound and a half, mind you) putting pressure down under. I convinced myself this would help.





One of the few photos I have from October. About 29 weeks pregnant.







My sweet friends threw a baby shower for me in November! It was beautiful and so much fun!



I was surprised with this beauty on Christmas morning! Just living the minivan dream....



WELCOME CHARLOTTE JANE! January 4, 2011. Pretty Big Deal.



Oh Darbs. I wouldn't exactly call this a highlight of February, but I just had to feature the hound for once. :)
And yes, that's a boppy wrapped around her. She did this to herself, I had nothing to do with it.



Wine tasting in March. Our first little getaway with the kid was a success!



Ready for vacation! We traveled to Florida and Charlotte took her first airplane ride. She made lots of friends. What I really mean, is she made no friends because her diaper failed and she stunk up the plane and was crying.

In May, we went to see NKOTBSB and my face hurt from smiling so much. It was my first *fun* night in a  l o n g time!



Our first time leaving Charlotte over night! As you can see, I was very tormented by this and had a miserable time.



Enjoying the beautiful weather we had for the entire month of July. Charlotte loves spending time outside.



It sure is nice having a dog around when she starts feeding herself! She stinkin loves graham crackers.
One year ago, little girl, we found out that that's exactly what you were!

Thank you blogosphere, for letting me share the exciting, the mundane, and the just plan weird happenings of my life. I appreciate you, my readers, for your comments and ideas and advice that's been shared. Your words of encouragement are invaluable.

Here's to another year of oversharing!!
:)

A Word On Mom Guilt

I've been hearing a lot of stories lately about the guilt that is associated with motherhood.
I've had conversations about it, overheard discussions on it, and today on Hoda and Kathy Lee, they had guests on to talk about it. It's evident that this is an on-going battle that many moms deal with.

First of all, it's hard enough being a mom and making decisions that effect THE REST OF YOUR CHILD'S LIFE. We don't need your opinion on whether you think I should stay at home or go to work or if I should let her cry or pick her up or if I should breastfeed for 18 months or give her formula of if she should choose when she should start solids or if I puree every frickin thing so she can eat at 5 months or if she sleeps on her belly with a blanket or I strap her on her back or if I'm rigid with a sleep schedule or if I let her do what she wants....unless I ask you for your opinion.

I've been asked countless times (about going to work) "but isn't is so hard leaving your baby? <sad baby whiney frown face>" You know what? No. It's not. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel terrible about leaving her, but I know she's in wonderful care and gets to spend time with Grandma and her cousins. Don't get me wrong, my face sometimes tingles in anticipation of feeling her chubby cheeks smashed up against it. I can't wait to kiss her pouty lips and squish her pudgy thighs, but don't you dare make me feel like I've made some super difficult choice.

Another important point to make is that when you say things like "I know it's hard when mommy has to leave" or "some moms have to go to work" your kid gets the wrong message. Whether you stay home or go to a different job, what you're doing is work. "This is just the way it is" might be a more appropriate message.

Growing up, my mom had to work. She raised my siblings and me on her own (for a majority of the time) and I never questioned why she had to do it. It was the way it was. I don't know if she ever had any amount of guilt, per se, but for her it was just the way it was. No biggie. Now that I am an adult and have a child of my own, I see already how my actions and my response to life directly effects my baby. No need to get her stressed out about my personal guilt. Yes, I am going to deeply miss her when we go on vacation without her next month, but guilt? I don't think so. Traveling internationally across multiple timezones isn't fair to her. I suppose we could just not go, but it's also a possible once in a lifetime trip. See...here I go trying to justify it.

Anyway, I know this might seem like it's sort of all over the place. I should have mapped this out better.
All I want to communicate is that guilt is bullcrap. Do you what you need to do to help your family thrive, and don't worry about it. If that means taking a kid free vacation (I'm talking to myself), or if it means closing the door while your baby blows off some steam at nap time, don't worry about it.

Have you sworn off mom guilt, or are you constantly feeling it creep up?

What's Black and White and 6 Feel Tall?

That? is a receipt for our most recent grocery store visit.

It's nearly 6 feet long.

I should also mention that this was a combined visit between our home and our bro & sister in law.

Marcus and his brother went shopping together (this just cracks me up), and it was about 10:30 pm by the time Marcus got back home. I was already in bed sleeping, and he comes bounding into our bedroom like a big goofy 4th grader and wakes me up to show me how long the receipt is.

I yelled at him.

"Don't ever wake me up to show me a piece of paper."

But the next morning I reckon I found it quite entertaining.

Marcus loves coupons. He used to be into couponing...before there were television shows about it. We'd get groceries together, and he'd be running all over the store picking up a package of 4 t shirts (that he had a coupon for) because with the purchase of those t shirts, he'd get a free carton of eggs. And if he bought 15 boxes of cereal (using said coupons) he'd get 2 packages of batteries. I mean, obviously. He's not quite as into it these days, because there are only so many febreze candles one house needs.



we saved more than we spent!

I pixelated the swears on the receipt. Why do they do that?

Marcus also called me twice from the store SO TICKED that they didn't have some of the specific items he went to purchase. So, if any of you...ahem...you might know who you are...can put in a word to purchasing...if that's possible....and tell them to buy more of EVERYTHING, we'd appreciate it. :)

Happy Tuesday!

Project Marriage II (Sort of)

Well, July's Project Marriage challenge was Date Night.
I had it planned. I purchased tickets to go to the picnic pops, arranged for Grandma and Grandpa M. to babysit, purchased wine and other picnic supplies....only to have to be scorchingly hot and humid the day of the event. Our friends were all planning on getting together at a couples' new home, and I hadn't hung out with them in such a long time, so we opted to sell the tickets and spend the evening with friends.
I'm a firm believer in that Date Night is not Date Night when Charlotte comes along. Date Emily is different than Mom Emily, and I could definitely use some Date Emily soon. So, no, we didn't exactly participate in July's challenge, but we'll work on that soon.

If you're not familiar with Project Marriage - bloggy edition, check it out here: http://mommyfriend.com/category/project-marriage/

I will tell you that I am looking forward to August's challenge..."In The Bedroom" bow chicka wow wow...wait. Not really. It's more about updating your space and make an improvement in the budoir. Let me just say, I have been wanting to redo our room since the day we redid it.

When we bought our home in 2006, it was in need of many, many repairs. It had water damage and most of the walls had been cut open to the studs to spray for mold. We had to have new floors, drywall installed, new bathrooms....almost everything. We made the unfortunate choice to pay our drywaller ahead of time. He and his buddy apparently got sick of working and left without actually finishing the project. It was a whirlwind renovation as we got engaged in May, bought the house in July, and needed to move in in November after the wedding. We did almost all of the work ourselves and were both working full time. So anyway, back to the drywallers...they didn't sand any of the master bathroom but we weren't able to tell that until after it was already painted. It looks like complete crap. My husband built a beautiful tile shower, there's gorgeous fixtures and cabinets, and terrible terrible drywall. We tried sanding it again, but it just wasn't working. So since that is attached to our bedroom, I count it as part of the project.

Here are the things I'd like to accomplish to make our space more lovely:

• White beadboard in the bathroom to cover up shotty workmanship
• Sell the (used when we got it) sleigh bed, dresser, chest, and nightstand
• Make an upholstered headboard
• Make a cover for an exisiting ottoman to coordinate with headboard
• Big time purging of the closet. I have a LOT of clothing I need to find a new home for. I'd like to first try to get some money for it, and what doesn't sell I will donate. I am not keeping the things that I decide to sell.
• Bring in some other used furniture that might suit our room just fine (we'll see!)

Today I already cleaned out my dresser and got rid of a lot of worn out socks and PJs and whatnots, also found a bunch of socks that never belonged to me jammed behind one of the drawers. lovely.

It seems that this should be a pretty big challenge for the month, but I really wanted to do most of this anyway, so what better time than for Project Marriage!


Oh, and let me know if you're interested in purchasing our bedroom suite! :)

A Big High Five For The SAHM

I took most of last week off from work. I was really looking forward to living a normal daily life with Charlotte, enjoying some beautiful weather at the family cottage, and not having to rush off to work and leave my sweet little angel baby.
O.M.GOOOOOODNESS. What an s-ton of work it ended up being.
I should at least mention that it wasn't exactly "normal daily life" since we were staying overnight in a new place most of the week.
I should also mention that Charlotte was fighting off her first cold?/allergies?/teething?/big time snotty nose.
So with that being said, I was completely exhausted and I was fighting off the guilt I had for wanting to go back to work on Monday.
When Charlotte had her 6 month drs. appointment a few weeks ago, I mentioned that she was a big time grunter. Her ped suggested that she's probably just very bored since she's not mobile yet and she's also frustrated by this. I do not necessarily want a crawler, but good gravy, this kid sounds like a wildebeest.




So basically, she makes this sound all. day. long. She does it when she's happy, she does it when she's ticked.
Once and a while she'll make her sweet little girl cooing sounds, but in general, she grunts.
Not only is she loud, but she's not as content to play alone. This makes getting anything done very difficult. She does enjoy a drive in the car, a ride in her stroller, and sitting up in the shopping cart at Target. That isn't helpful when I have 5 loads of laundry and floors to clean. Oh, and on top of that? She decided that she's not going to nap more than 45 minutes. 
I do think that SAHMs are sometimes thought to have it "easy". I mean, how busy can you actually be? Kheee heeee. But hear this, haters: it is tough ass work!
I'm not saying that any postion is more difficult than the other, because they all come with their own challenges. I've had my moments where I feel that I would be the best stay at home mom OF ALL TIME, but then? one week with my own child and I couldn't even handle it!! What is wrong with me?

Anyway, all I am really trying to get at is that you moms rock!! I hope you have someone who tells you that on a regular basis, and if you don't, pretend that Charlotte's grunts mean "You're the best!!"

Insanity Update!

So I'm over a week into the Insanity program.
And since there is no point in lying, I will just tell you that I do not do it 6 days a week.
I've been able to do it 4 or 5 times in a week, which I feel is still pretty good.
I follow the nutrition plan for the most part as well. I have a LOT of work to do still, but I'm happy I've at least made steps in the right direction.

I had Marcus take "before" pictures of me and I really am not a fan of documenting my pudge in photo form. It's one thing to be fully clothed and working with what you've got, it's another to be quite vulnerable in too-tight shorts (because that's what I own!) and a sports bra facing the camera. Do I smile? Do I frown because it's a "before"? Do I wink to see if I still got game even with pudge? I went with "sheepish smirk". I'm already looking forward to the "after" photos, although I'm guessing it's going to be more than 60 days.

The good news: I've lost just over 2 lbs. whooop!

For those of you who are curious about the workout, it's totally doable. Some of the moves are really tough and I try not to do a modified version. It's better to do 1 or 2 of the real move in 30 seconds than to crank out 15-20 of a modified version. So it's definitely a challenge, but I feel really good about myself when I complete a workout! I get annoyed with a couple of the people on the dvds that they keep zooming in on because I'm pretty sure they're acting. I mean, it's tough. Don't get me wrong. But there's one chick who seriously looks like she's in labor during the warm up. Come on, chick...you're in incredible shape. Knock it off. (I just found that there are facebook pages making fun of her! That's not nice...but it is sort of funny!!)

But it's fun, and it's not completely time consuming. I can usually do it during Charlotte's nap, or even when she's awake...she finds me very entertaning! Unfortunately, she's going through a phase (again! acccccck!) where she's been taking 45 minute naps again. So it's hard to get much done during her catnap.
I'd love it if you'd join me in going insane!