Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Reason I Shop Online

I love me some Internet shopping. Where else can you find 90% off a Shamballa bracelet for one day only plus FREE shipping?! (Yes, I now have a Shamballa bracelet. I thought it was cool looking, didn't realize the deep spiritual meaning behind all of it, but whatever.)
But sometimes I still like big box shopping and getting out of the house. Today was one of those days. I had a couple things I wanted to pick up and a few errands to run. I decided to head to the mall with the kiddo.
Online shopping does not require the preparation that a trip out does. I loaded up a couple of diapers, wipes, a blanket, and nursing cover just in case. I had Charlotte fed and changed and happy before heading out. We drive 15 minutes to the mall and all is well. Except for my high level of irritation with the general population. (I used to list patience as a good quality about myself. I don't know where the h it went.)
I right away enter the covered parking area and head to the reserved parking for "expectant mothers and mothers with small children" (No dads allowed, evidently). There are no spots available. Oh well, I'll look for another spot.
I wait for 150 year old man in handicap parking spot to back out for an eternity.
I find the last spot available in the covered parking lot, and I wait for a car to back out. It looked like rain, and I was pleased I found the last spot.
BIG IDIOTIC STUPID LOSER BACKWARDS HAT DBAG squeals into parking spot from other direction.
The sky opens up and it begins to POUR.
I park in the spot right next to BISLBHDBag. Just outside of the covered parking.
It's absolutely pouring on me as I get out the stroller, get Charlotte out of the van and clicked into the stroller. I had grabbed an umbrella and the stupid crappy thing flips inside out in the wind. I am soaked.
BISLBHDBag is texting in his car, and gets out as I walk by. Now, I am not one to give dirty looks. Today was the perfect time to try it out. It felt nice. I think I'll do it more often.
I briskly walk to the mall entrance, and find it very annoying that no one moves out of my way or genuflects as I go by. Ugh.
I pass an open spot reserved for mothers with small children. UGH!!!
I am shopping at one of my favorite stores when the sales associate reminds me that I get an extra 25% off regular and sale priced items when I mention Ellen DeGeneres! Hooray! So I'm browsing the sale rack, and another woman approaches and is grabbing at the same clothes I am on the opposite side of the rack. I look up, and the woman is a giant. She's practically yanking a silk dress out of my hands and I wanted to shout at her how this is clearly not her size. Now, don't get all judgy at me, ok? I am not claiming to be tiny. But I am claiming to not be 6'3 and 230#. I ever so gently yanked the dress back, and pulled it off the rack. I Looked at it, and put it back. LOL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??!
First the dirty look, now this?!
Meanwhile, Charlotte is being a good little girl, but it's time for a nap and she's making this grunty/squeaky balloon sound she makes when she's getting sleepy. I leave the store and walk around trying to get her to fall asleep as we have more shopping to do. As I rearrange her blankie to be soft and cuddly by her face, stink waves are emanating from her carseat. The little bugger went big time twozers.
I head towards the ladies room, when SON OF A %*%#@!!!!! I left the diaper bag at HOME. I peek at her closer, and the mess is not contained. My blankie technique worked and she was falling asleep. Oh geeze.
So I have a few choices here:
  1. Let her sleep in her stinky poopy pants and continue to shop around the mall, just so she can get a nap in, even though I was pretty much done. This option would be a big waste of time. A big stinky waste of time.
  2. Stop at the store and pick up some diapers, change her, and continue my errands. This option would require a full wake up, and I'd have to attempt to get her back to sleep in her carseat after this.
  3. Drive home, change her, and hope she goes back to sleep in her crib. This option would require the sacrifice of my getting something done.
I chose option 3.
We made it back home in the pouring rain and I need new wipers. They make a horrible nails on chalkboard sound.
I think it was a wise choice coming home as Charlotte was big giant stinky mess and I got her back to sleep almost immediately.
So yeah, I think paying $5.95 for shipping isn't that big of a deal.
I did get a cute top for 25% off though! Thanks Ellen DeGeneres!

1 comment:

  1. I have totally been there! One time I had to take tyson to the ear doctor and while in this little room where they see if he can hear or not, he let loose. :) I had no diaper bad and he reeked. They put us back in the waiting room before seeing the actual doctor. So I am sitting there with a incredibly smelly kid when it all start leaking out. I was like there is no way I am letting the doctor exam him while he stinks and is leaking... also making me look like the worst mother ever! haha. So I left. I was like i hope his tubes look good cause i am leaving. And I did. Never got a call so I think his hearing test was good. So We have all been there. Tim and I have forgotten the diaper bag more times than I can count. One time we had to stop at Meijer and get everything... diapers, wipes, formula, etc. Good times.