Monday, May 7, 2012

Paging Dr. Internet

I've determined that I no longer need a doctor for my prenatal care. If there's any concern I might have, I will consult the internet. The internet is not condescending. (Well, Yahoo answers is, but I avoid taking advice from trolls.) The internet doesn't make me stand on a scale and make me do math in my head. The internet is filled with friends just waiting to give out personal advice, while my doctor only gives me statistics.

Unless my baby is coming out right.this.minute, my doctor is not concerned about me or my pregnancy. Debilitating pelvic pain? Stretch.
I tell him I don't know how to stretch my bones. He says it's the only thing that will help.
Can I wear carry my 16 month old in a back carrier at 20 weeks pregnant? He says "if you want."
C-section incision pain? He responds with kneading my uterus like a ball of dough.
The internet has not done any of that. In fact, the internet has only made me forget about those problems by making me laugh!

Eucalyptus oil has not been proven to be safe for use during pregnancy.
I learned that from the internet. Not my doctor.

Way funnier than a pamphlet on menopause (the only reading material while I wait for my doctor)

My next dog shall be named Sting. (I'm not sure how to relate this to my OB)

I don't know how to break the news to my doctor, but my guess is that he won't notice that I don't show up for the next 4-5 months. But the internet beckons me daily. Seemingly telling me, "come back! there's more hilarity to come!" and "Babysteals is the bomb!" And it is. Babysteals is the bomb.
Sure, Pinterest can't deliver my baby. But I bet I could find a blog post pinned on Pinterest that tells me how to deliver my own baby. In your face, DOCTOR.

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