Just Like That, It's 2015!

I highly doubt anyone even reads this thing anymore. But I really wanted to just check in for posterity's sake.
We made it through 2014!
That's about it on that topic. To be honest, I like the idea of moving forward. 2014 was not a super exciting year for us for the most part, and we just sort of got by. Raising two little kids is tiring and I still don't get how people do it with more kids. But 2015 will be better. The kids are getting easier (sort of - we're working on it with Lena), and I've started a new job!

This is what I really wanted to document here. The beginning.
I became a fashion consultant for LuLaRoe in October. If you haven't heard of it, it's an affordable fashionable clothing line, and as a consultant, you do "pop-up boutiques". I carry a big ol' inventory of clothing that I've fallen in love with and I bring it to people's homes, businesses, or I do open houses.
It has been amazing. Dare I say, life changing. Maybe I'll stick to "it changed my last 3 months." But 2015? Things will be different. I was able to pay off my initial investment in under 6 weeks just by hosting home boutiques. I qualified for the incentive CRUISE in under 3 months. I am starting to build a team of consultants. It is absolutely so exciting and I cannot wait to see what the future holds.

I hustled my buns off those first three months to set a good foundation. I thought things might slow down, but they are sort of snowballing and that's why I look forward to growing my team. It's just so in demand and I can't meet everyone's needs by myself. :) 

I'm working on my goals, and for many when they start something like this, it's to hopefully quit their full time job so they can spend more time with family. I was happy to have the opportunity to socialize with fun women while making some money at the same time. It's been so good for my family as I have gathered my sense of self a bit. Feeling like I'm contributing to my family in a more tangible way has proven to be a good feeling for me. 

After we had Lena, I struggled with postpartum depression in a pretty big way. It creeps up every now and again and I find myself having a very difficult time managing just the day to day. I talked with my doctor about medications, switching medications, etc and it was so expensive. 

I decided I couldn't afford it. I would figure out how to deal. Since I've started this business, I no longer feel the suffocating weight of merely carrying on on a daily basis. I feel. so. good. (most of the time. ;) ) I just needed to write this down, because I realized it just the other day. I have confidence again about being a provider for our family, I feel like I'm showing my daughters something valuable by starting a business and working hard. Don't get me wrong, staying at home with them is really a gift. I absolutely do not take it for granted. We snuggle in my bed in the morning, and I don't need to worry about calling into work if someone is sick. But I can also bring in an income without sacrificing those special times. 

I just feel like I've found a really good thing, and in another year, I wonder how different things might be.

Oh, and my pitch: follow me over at www.facebook.com/lakesidelularoe or shoot me an email if you are interested in the opportunity. 

Lena is ONE!

Just like that, our little squishy, dimpled baby is a year old.

But it wasn't "just like that."

It was year that was not a walk in the park. I mean, we took walks in parks. And I took pictures like omg look what fun! But it was not always fun.

From the start, Lena proved that if she was one thing, it's inconsistent. We would have great weeks and even months, where I had her figured out, and then something mysterious would occur where she'd do a 180 and cry and whine about everything.

She's always been quick to smile, she's always loved to snuggle, and I've always been her favorite. These things haven't changed.

I look forward to things becoming easier, and I hold onto the hope that they will, but I do look back on her days as a small baby fondly. There's something about having another kid that makes you realize how quickly they actually do grow up, and suddenly I'm sounding like the old church lady that tells you to "just enjoy every minute because it goes so quickly". So although it was one of the more challenging years of my adult life, I do remember the sweet moments too.

People had told me that when your kids are close in age, that first year is a blur, and it really was. With Charlotte, I could look at any picture, and tell you exactly how old she was. I knew the activities and the milestones that occurred in each of her months.

I DON'T HAVE A CLUE this time around. In all honesty, I'm glad Lena doesn't do much because I wouldn't remember when she reached her epic milestone. What I do know is that we've all made it through unscathed and I'm ready for our next year with her, because it definitely gets more fun now.
I mean...it does, right?

While I will miss those soft newborn cuddles, I am more than ready for the next year. 

Like Sand Through an Hourglass...

You know those little moments that just happen and you tell yourself  "I never want to forget this"?
Sometimes they happen and it's just a nice moment and that's all. Other times, you wish there was something you could do that would guarantee that you'll never forget. We recently watched some home videos of my husband and his family at Christmas from more than 25 years ago. There was nothing momentous about the footage, and there was little to no narration, but there's something about it that makes you feel warm and I imagine his parents would remember things that were long gone when they see the old recording.

In the last couple of weeks, Charlotte will occasionally snuggle in my bed before she goes to sleep. We moved the rocking chair into Lena's room, and Charlotte is still in a crib, so there isn't much place to have some downtime with her. Besides that, she's never been big on cuddling. A few nights ago, she climbed up onto our big bed and was the little spoon to my big and I read a couple of books and we talked. Well, I talked and she listened.
Tonight she wanted to recreate that and once she was on our bed, she flopped around like a fish because she couldn't figure out how we got into that perfect snuggle just a couple of nights ago. While she couldn't make herself become the little spoon again, she found another cozy position, laying with her head on my chest while looking at my face.

This was one of those moments.

Charlotte's second birthday is tomorrow. I haven't spent much time reflecting on this lately, just with the busyness of Christmas and the New Year, and of course just not prioritizing a birthday party like I did last year.
As she lay with her ear on my heart and her hand cupping my cheek, I couldn't help but want to stay in that moment for as long as possible. There's a part of me that thinks she wanted the same thing, but then again, maybe she was just avoiding bedtime. She's growing up and becoming a little girl, and some day she won't climb into my bed and snuggle. She won't study my mouth as I speak because she wants so badly to repeat the words I'm saying, she won't pat my back like I do to hers, and she won't ask that I sing her songs before bed.

No matter what I do, and how hard I try, there is no guarantee that I'll remember that moment forever. The best I can do is write it down and take a picture. And since my phone is almost always handy, that's exactly what I did. The memory might slip through the cracks some day, but just like those home videos of Christmases 25 years ago, when you come across them again, it all comes back.

So here's to hoping that in 25 years I might just be able to come across this post, and these photos, and have those warm feelings wash over me once again.

and to celebrate 2 years, a little reminder of our first moments too.

While I can't wait to see what the future holds for this sweet little child, I wish I could just keep her this way forever. xoxo my gentle, goofy, sweet, little Charlotte.

A New Decade, an Old Emily

I celebrated a birthday this weekend. I use the word "celebrated" loosely since it was a mix of mourning and enjoying the attention.

I turned 30. I'm at the age where I think I'm supposed to start lying about my age. I'm not at all disappointed with where I am in life at this age. It's just the number that I don't like. And the knowledge of what happens now. Apparently it's harder to lose weight now. There are skin care lines targeted to people my age. I think there's an official rule about not being allowed to shop at Forever 21 and Charlotte Russe. Not that I've been there in a very long time (wait, I got some things at Forever 21 last fall...) but it's an unspoken understanding.

When I was pregnant I was feeling sorry for myself since I threw my husband a birthday party for his big 3-0. I knew that I was going to have a new little baby and I probably wouldn't want to do anything at all to celebrate, or I'd want to do something but wouldn't be able to. Well, as it turned out, I have no problem getting Grandma to babysit so we can go out and have a good time.

We went to two of my favorite places. We started at Reserve downtown for a charcuterie and cheese platter and a flight of bubbly! The Tigers were playing so Marcus was checking his phone a lot, but I had my smoked meats to occupy me. It was so awesome being able to enjoy unpasteurized cheeses, room temperature sliced meat and sparkling wine. I love being not pregnant.

It was another friend's birthday the day before and a group of friends were out at Ruth's Chris so we were going to stop by just to say hi and maybe have a drink, but we ended up staying for dinner. Fancy schmancy, I tell you. Marcus and I shared a 15 pound cut of beef and a small salad. The salad was the only non meat or cheese item I had eaten all day.

It actually turned out to be a really great day, especially since my expectations were really low. :)

Leaving my 20's behind isn't easy. They were a lot of fun. I'm not so sure my 30's will come close, but they say the best is yet to come. I guess I'll just have to find out for myself.

no pictures. sorry. they're on facebook.

365 Days

It's hard to believe that a year has gone by since I delivered my beautiful, healthy, 8 lb 3 oz baby girl. And I'm pleased to announce that we all made it through that year.
We survived an entire year without having a clue what we were doing. We endured the challenges that come with nursing and bottles, baby wearing and crying it out. We survived nap time routines and teething, swaddling and breaking the swaddle. We took photo after photo of mundane life, and waited with tingly anticipation for the first time that she rolled over, crawled, or pulled herself up. (And she's so close to those first steps!)
We had the video rolling for her first tastes of food, her attempts at sharing, and crawling backwards down the stairs.
I shed tears of exhaustion, guilt, fear, love, and joy. I laughed out of all of those same emotions.

We went from this:

To this:


Photo by Anne Jansen Photography



in the blink of a couple teary eyes.

Happy Birthday to my Sweet Charlotte Jane. You've brought more joy (and fear) into my life than I ever thought possible.

Another Year Behind Me

Instead of doing a post that requires creativity and thoughtfulness, I've decided to make a simple list. A list of the things I felt I needed to blog about throughout the last year.

We'll start with the most obvious:

• Charlotte Jane joined our family on January 4. What a way to start a new year! You can read about it here and here.
• I went back to work as a part time employee. It took some major getting used to, but I'm loving it now. If you want, you can read about that transition here.
• Maybe not so notable, but slightly funny. We learned that doing regular things can turn into a big stinky adventure when you have a kiddo. Why shopping online is just easier sometimes.
• And only because people liked it the first time around, Marcus' "guest" blog.
• Little Charlotte is 6 months!! 
• Charlotte is Baptized! That was a great day for sure.
• My blog turned 1. Not that big of a deal, but if you like recap posts, this one is for you.
• We went on the trip of a lifetime in September when we traveled to Italy. Here's that post.

I didn't blog about these things, but believe it or not, they still happened.

• A few of my neighbors and I formed a team and participated in the Grand Rapids Mud Run, and I lived to tell - sort of. I didn't "tell" much about it. So now you know.
• Marcus and I celebrated 5 years of marriage! That's a whole hand for most people!
• We enjoyed our first Christmas as a family of three and now have excessive amounts of toddler toys.

2011 was a big blurry year but it feels good to look back and know we made it through unscathed.

The plan for 2012? We'd like to get more organized. I'd like to get back into great shape. I want to enjoy all of the sweet moments of having an only child because...who knows what other adventures 2012 will bring. :)

Happy New Year, everyone!!