365 Days

It's hard to believe that a year has gone by since I delivered my beautiful, healthy, 8 lb 3 oz baby girl. And I'm pleased to announce that we all made it through that year.
We survived an entire year without having a clue what we were doing. We endured the challenges that come with nursing and bottles, baby wearing and crying it out. We survived nap time routines and teething, swaddling and breaking the swaddle. We took photo after photo of mundane life, and waited with tingly anticipation for the first time that she rolled over, crawled, or pulled herself up. (And she's so close to those first steps!)
We had the video rolling for her first tastes of food, her attempts at sharing, and crawling backwards down the stairs.
I shed tears of exhaustion, guilt, fear, love, and joy. I laughed out of all of those same emotions.

We went from this:

To this:


Photo by Anne Jansen Photography



in the blink of a couple teary eyes.

Happy Birthday to my Sweet Charlotte Jane. You've brought more joy (and fear) into my life than I ever thought possible.

I'm bad at Christmas

I love getting people gifts. I love the idea of finding something that I feel like they would really like and surprising them. I like wrapping it up all nice with a matching ribbon and putting it under the Christmas tree.
I do not like waiting until Christmas to give them. Not one bit. Every year I've given Marcus an early gift because I simply cannot wait.
Today, during Charlotte's nap time, I was wrapping up some gifts. But by the time she woke up, I wasn't quite finished. I had one gift left to wrap.
It was hers.
So I let her play with it while it was still in the box.
But she liked it so much, I took it out of the box.
And she played with it for nearly 30 minutes.






She loved it. And yes, she's almost always pantsless by 4pm.




















 I reluctantly repackaged it so I can wrap it up and put it under the tree and save it until Christmas...but I just couldn't resist a little teaser.

I hope she's still surprised... :)

My Sweet Little Charlotte

This little girl has been been making my heart melt into a big goopy puddle on a daily basis.



She is 9 months old and the most fun she's ever been.
She's crawling all over and experimenting with the steps. She wants to pull herself up but can't always make it all the way to her feet, so she "cruises" on her knees. It's adorable. (Well...I feel like everything she does is adorable at this point.)
Charlotte smiles at just about everyone and everything. She loves animals, especially Darby. And she finds it just as exciting to watch me play with Darby or other kids as it would be for me to play with her.
She loves every single food she's tried.
And lately she really likes to do eskimo kisses.
So since I have blogger's block, I will just share a few photos.

Charlotte's Baptism

Today Charlotte was baptized! It was a beautiful service at our church and we really felt God's presence there today.
I have always loved our baptism services at church. We have some pretty amazing pastors who just have a great way with words.
I just love how Charlotte was welcomed into such a loving community of believers who promised to offer their support and prayers for her. And on top of that, it's a huge reminder of God's grace. As hard as it is to believe, Charlotte is not perfect. She was born into a world full of sin, and God has promised her the opporunity to have a fulfilled life amidst all of the garbage in the world.
While standing in front of the congregation, I was trying to hold it together as Pastor Joy talked about the hard times that are to come - how someday she might be feeling lonely (NO! I never want her to feel lonely!) and that life has so many challenges - and throughout all of it, God is faithful to his people. God reached out to my little Charlotte and promised her Hope! Oh, it brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.
Following her baptism (she tried to eat the bowl containing the water - no little splash of water for this baby! she's drinking it!) , our church has a tradition in which a family member brings her around and people offer their blessings and well wishes and it's absolutely amazing!! I followed Marcus as he marched her around. The first person we passed was a boy who was about 8 years old who held her feet and looked right at her and said "God bless you!" SERIOUSLY!? I somehow managed to keep it together. It always seems like I'm the only one who's super emotional about this stuff.

Overall, it was such a wonderful experience. We had our family over to our home afterwards and enjoyed the beautiful day!


I don't always put a giant flower on her head. :)
With Dad before the service





She loved making new friends




With the Grandparents



Love that smile!



Charlotte loves Kylie!

Six Months!

Sometimes I simply cannot believe that I have a child. A little human who relies on me for just about everything. Okay, everything. And to say that she's been here for 6 months already is nuts!
To say it was the "best" 6 months of my life would be an understatement. I simply cannot use a word that describes 7th grade camp or turtle cheesecake when summarizing the last half year.
To say it was exhausting and joyful at the same time or simultaneously terrifying, draining, fulfilling and delightful...might be more like it.
So, in lieu of a sappy post (we'll save that for when she's a year), we'll take a look back to see how much she's grown!

Darby used to love Charlotte. She prefers to have her own space now. My goal was to have a photo each month to show how big Charlotte was getting in relation to her dog, but Darbs won't have it.

This pretty much sums up the first month. She was not colicky, just fussy. I had to implement the 5 S's from Happiest Baby on the Block at least 5 times a day. But at least I had discovered what worked within the first month.

We started cloth diapers at 2 months. They were huge and hilarious.

Look how huge those leggings are on her chicken legs!

She started to get a little more fun at 3 months. But right when we thought we had the sleeping thing down, she threw us a curveball. And we didn't sleep for months.

Starting to look a lot more like Papa Elf Bear

Pudging out a little more! And being hilarious in general.

I won't lie about it. I like the pouty lip shots because it's the one time she sort of resembles me.

No teeth yet, but love to chew on just about everything.

Around 5 months she really started to get easier. She smiles all of the time, is a delight to be around (when she's not grunting her fool head off) and loves to play with toys.

Such a sweet, sweet girl.

Sitting up!

Laughing at Dad and looking exactly like him.

Life is good at 6 months.

If I hadn't carried her around in my giant belly for 9 months, you'd barely know the kid was mine.

I've really noticed lately how independent she is. I know that seems like an oxymoron...independent baby. I picture a diaper clad baby with a wide brimmed hat and satchel taking on the town...Think "Madeline" but squishier and smaller. Uh, anyway.

She's independent in the way that she sometimes prefers to play alone and holds her bottle by herself. I guess these are just little things, but it just makes me see that she can do a few things without the assistance of her hovering mother. Soon, she'll be choosing her own outfits and riding a bike...but today, she is still little. And there's nothing I can do to keep her this way. And dammit, I've made myself cry.

A Success Story

Hey y'all.
We. Have. A. SLEEPER!

I hope that if there are any of you out there that have had sleep issues with your little ones, you'll read ahead. We have a well rested family.

I have hesitated to write about it in fear of jinxing it. I'm sure there are plenty of you that know what I'm talking about. The moment you "brag" about your great sleeper, they change on you. And maybe she will after this post.
You may remember this entry or this one. And now that I look back, it's been over two months in the making.
I asked for lots of advice and suggestions. I think I read every book, blog, and magazine about it. I followed my instincts, and I ignored my instincts. I somehow managed to be consistently inconsistent. But we got it figured out.
When Charlotte was 4 months old, her pediatrician told me that "she can nutritionally go 12 hours without eating." I wouldn't believe it. She could barely go 5 hours without waking up and I assumed it was because of hunger. But starting then, I chose to not feed her at night. And breast-feeding moms? You know how that feels. Hello boobies!! There were times that I would get up to pump at night just so I could fall back asleep. Yes, Charlotte was still waking constantly, and I felt horrible about pumping when I could just feed her.
After several weeks of attempting to phase out a night feeding, we were sort of making progress. About once a week, we'd get a little bit more sleep.
But she was still a stinker.
Cry Cry Crying. She'd sleep great from 7:30-11, then she'd be up multiple times. For weeks, the most I got was maybe 3 consecutive hours of sleep.
This is when I started the book reading. And I am so thankful for the suggestions to read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.
::side note : my friend Betsy recommended this book. And her daughter sleeps like a CHAMP.::
This book saved my sanity. It was tough. I downloaded it on my eReader and found the parts that applied to me and started putting them into practice.
What it came down to was that she was going to have to cry. I mean, she was crying anyway, even when I was trying everything to get her to stop. So now I was just going to have to not try.
We turned down/off the monitor, and cracked the door so I could just barely hear her. I think it took roughly a week of doing this seriously. There were many nights where I had no idea how well she did because I couldn't hear if she was crying.
Okay, I'll cut to the chase.
She now sleeps 7:30pm-7:30am with 1-3 wake ups but goes RIGHT BACK to sleep many times without my help. The 5:30 wake up is harder to break, but we're getting there. She takes killer naps, but we are still enjoying a flexible schedule. It's not the end of the world anymore if her naps get screwy.

The downside to all of this? The lack of a night time feeding has greatly reduced my milk supply. The combo of that and going back to work and having less than comfortable pumping accommodations has meant that Charlotte is now on formula 99.9 % of the time as of last week. I miss the good ol' days, but life is getting so much easier and for that I am thankful.

Thank you to all of you who offered your help, and for any of you who are struggling with night time sleep, shoot me an email/comment/message on facebook. You can do it!

Oh, and we also broke the swaddle cold-turkey! Without a single problem, incidentally. I think I was so afraid to try it in fear that our nights would be filled with the screams of an enraged child, but she's getting too big for it. And it worked!

Moving ahead towards our next hurdle...whatever that might be.
Crap. Now we'll be dealing with teething.
But at least I know she is capable of being an incredibly awesome baby.
sigh.

June Wrap Up & Photos

Whew. Life is going too fast. Everyone says it does after you have a kid. I am now one of those people, because my kid is going to be 6 months in a few days and I absolutely cannot believe it. I'll do a picture post around that time so we can see how much the little monster has grown.
But for now, here's a little recap of June in Emily World.

We introduced veggies and a couple of fruits to Charlotte when she turned 5 months old. My plan was to wait until 6 months, or however long it took her to be ready, but with encouragement from her pediatrician, we went ahead with it. Charlotte loves it! So far we've done sweet potatoes, carrots, bananas, avocado, apples, pears, and peas. She loves all of it....except apples. Once I mixed em with nanners though, she was an addict. That's how I interpret her little shakes of anticipation for food. Certainly it can't be excitement. Clearly, she's a baby addict.

First tastes of sweet potatoes 6/4/2011

She's been cirque du soliel-ing for a while, but is now officially playing with her feet every chance she gets

We've also slowly started to introduce her to beer. We're trying to build up her tolerance, so we only allow a little bit at a time. 

Siting up is our next big milestone. She's not quite there yet, but she's getting closer. She hasn't reached Weeble status, as she still falls down.

Charlotte had her first trip to Lake Michigan. We didn't go on the beach, but we walked the pier.

(Edit: She's been to Lake Michigan up north. This was her first time closer to home.)

She looks so tiny in her big stroller. It's funny to picture a 4 year old fitting in the same stroller a 5 month old is in.

After our long hot walk, we rewarded her with a little bit more beer.

I busted out the jumperoo this month. I have ADD when it comes to toys. I am just too excited to see how she responds to the new gear. She does like the jumperoo, but the little stinker is either too short or doesn't weigh enough for it.

Not a lot of bouncing going on in there.

Appleschmutz. Not a fan.

She sure loves her Daddio. And he loves his little "Nugget". His "Mrs. Bucket" His "Didi Benami" Yes, he actually called her the name of an American Idol season 9 contestant.

The non-Charlotte photo: Marcus and I had our first overnight away since the Little Dictator took over. We had an absolutely fabulous time at our friends' wedding in northern Michigan. Charlotte was her usual non-sleeping self while we were gone, but Grandma and Grandpa survived!

Back to Mini Mussolini: I have been trying my hardest to get her to laugh! She's given me little chuckles for a couple of months. After trying peek-a-boo, tickling, puns, sarcasm, and self injury, she finally laughed! At the dog.
Here's a clip. (Darby was jumping around and trying to chomp on a chunk of styrofoam) Forgive the poor quality, I grabbed the nearest video cam.



And lastly, a quick photo before she "marched" in a premature 4th of July parade. No one could even see her, since she was sleeping in the Ergo carrier...I was just excited to have an opportunity to have to wear this outfit more than once!!

Her shirt says "America's Sweetie" I find it somewhat hilarious that children's clothes rarely reflect the true meaning of our independence here in the USA. It's all cutesy "Daddy's Lil Firecracker" and "Star Spangled Beauty". Don't forget "Mommy's Little Heart Attack" with a kid lighting a Roman Candle.

So that's June in a nutshell. July has always signified the middle of summer...after that it just flies by. July is also the month in which my little girl turns 6 months. Does that mean she'll be a year in the blink of an eye?

I guess I should start planning her party now...

Charlotte - The Sleep Thief

I've made it no real secret that we've struggled with sleep 'round these parts.

I know that every child is different, and I've even made myself believe that nothing will actually help her except for Time. All of the reading and research and tips and tricks are only serving as a distraction, and after a year of trying everything, she'll have outgrown her hatred of sleep and I won't know who to credit because I have indeed tried everything.

But here I am, looking for help. I know you moms have lots if ideas, and I'm willing to try them.
First, you need to know what I am doing and what I have tried.
Here is a pretty good idea of what her day looks like:
I follow a general Eat/Activity/Sleep routine. No need to read the details if you don't care. She's on about a 3 hour schedule.

7:30am: (and she's always happy - good sign) Milk
7:40-9 or 9:30: play & 10 minutes of quiet time before nap
9-10:30: Nap with a little help after 45 minutes. I sneak in and gently jiggle the crib mattress. She calms down right away, and often sleeps for another 30-60 minutes.
10:30ish: cereal/vegetable <--just started veggies
11:00: milk/formula (6 oz)
11:10-1ish: drooling, squealing, blowing raspberries, tummy time, loving life.
1-2:30ish: nap time! Same story as above - sometimes she sleeps straight for an hour and a half, other times she needs help.
2:30 or 3: milk/formula (6 oz)
3-4:30: kicking, cooing, avoiding smiling at the camera, general baby shenanigans
4:30: short nap (meaning, I don't work to make it longer)
5:30: Milk + formula  I know my supply is low since going back to work. I tank her up at night with both so I know she's full before bed time.
Play until 7:30 or shows signs of sleepiness.
Bedtime routine is about a 1/2 hour total consisting of bathtime (doesn't happen every day), Peanut Butter Jammie Time!, snuggling in the rocker and maybe reading or singing
7:30: to bed for the night. <---she's always put down while she's still awake, and puts herself to sleep without any problem.

After this, she might sleep straight until 11 when I feed her again (because I know then she can make it to morning without a problem). OR, She might wake 5 times by 11. Then after I feed her, she is awake at least every two hours. Many times, we can give her paci back and she's right back to sleep.
My habit of late is to go in, give her a paci, and go back to bed. I do not intentionally let her cry, but I don't go in and pick her up and rock her either.

Here is what I have tried, and does not work, but should mention I do not want to make a habit of it either:

• Rocking
• Checking Diaper
• Nursing
• Bringing her into my bed (which takes a while to get her back to sleep and then I can't sleep comfortably

Here is what I've tried but probably have not been consistent enough with:

• Hearing her cry, waiting 5 minutes, going in and giving her paci back. (she then goes back to sleep for an hour or two - so never get to build up more time letting her cry)
• Hearing her cry, and turning down the monitor so I can only hear her quietly over a fan and through two doors, and waiting to see how long she cries. I usually fall asleep, but wake a half hour later to her (still?) crying (again?)

Do I force myself to stay awake so I know how long she's crying? I thought this crap took like a week or something. I am fairly certain that there was one night that she cried straight for 3 hours, but I would drift in and out of consciousness.
She is swaddled at night (and has rolled over onto her belly while swaddled! Can also roll belly to back while swaddled)
She is not swaddled for naps.
She freaks out and does not sleep well on her back anymore, so she sleeps on her side or her tummy.
I've tried cereal in a bottle before bed. Inconsistent results. Sometimes it seems she slept better, other times it's still Open Crib Party!!
What I feel is kind of crazy, is that she wakes SO happy in the morning! But I am bleary eyed and exhausted.
All I want is like 4 hours in a row of sleep. Each night. I don't feel that that's asking too much of a 5 month old. There have been plenty of nights where she's giving 7-9 hour stretches and I love love love it....but then it's followed by No Sleep. I just want a little consistency.

I'm asking for your help. Even if you don't know me or have never commented, I'd love to hear your suggestions.
BTW, She's napping now. She woke after a half hour. Took her a good half hour of crying on and off (with my help) to finally go back to sleep and it's been close to two hours now.
She clearly hates sleep. One of the best gifts from God, and she hates it.
Is the pacifier the bad guy? Swaddling? Do I move up a size in her diaper at night? (she's often wet in the morning these days) Is her bedtime the right time?
I would be okay if your suggestion was for me to take up drinking. Because I've already done that.
Thank you in advance.

Seeking Out Joy

I've been feeling quite conflicted the last couple of weeks.
I'm only documenting this so that in a few hopeful months weeks, I will be able to say "oh, that wasn't so bad."
If you watch Parks and Recreation, you might remember the episode in which Rob Lowe's (so dreamy!) character likens his body to a microchip and a that a grain of sand could destroy it.
Well, let's say Charlotte is a lot like Rob Lowe (lol). Her microchip has been compromised.
I have no idea what has gotten into her. Each night has progressively gotten worse.
It was several weeks back that I was feeling more confident with her sleeping capabilities. Even if she was sleeping 5 hours before waking for a feeding, it was 5 hours straight. I'd say on average each night she slept 5-6 hours, and we had a handful or two of some 7-9 hour stretches (which was only a gift from God.)
On vacation, she started waking more frequently, and I would help her out by giving back her pacifier, reswaddling, or just a quick little jostle of her bed to sooth her back to sleep. I generally don't pick her up unless it's time to eat, and in general, she doesn't need me to pick her up at night.
Each night since coming back home, she's spending more time awake. I originally thought she's hungry, but then I wasn't so sure, so I did the "unthinkable" (okay, that's an exaggeration), and let her cry the last 3 nights. The thing is, she doesn't cry when I put her down to sleep. So when she wakes in the night, I hop up to make sure she isn't hanging upside down by her footies or something crazy. Then she either goes back to sleep, or cries 15 minutes later. Or 30 minutes later. Or 40 minutes later. Or 5 minutes later. Or an hour later. I never know what it will be. Even after a feeding after 5 1/2 hours, she cried, which she never does at night.
She's not too hot, not too cold, quite possibly starving. Last night I let her cry for what seemed the entire night. There were at least 3 times where I figured it was a half hour (I had fallen asleep and woke again to her crying...still? again? I DON'T KNOW) and every hour at least 10 minutes before I went back in and gave her the paci.
Here's where I'm conflicted. Babies cry for a reason. And sometimes that reason is that they just want mom.
But the rules are that night is for sleeping.
But she's just a baby and sometimes needs her mom.
But I need sleep.
But she might be hungry.
But she needs to learn that she can put herself back to sleep.
But I want her to know that I'm there when she needs me.
I tell myself that this is temporary, and she's only little for such a short time. I thank God when I get to wake up with her that I have a baby and a warm home where she can feel secure and safe. (I've even had a late night cry about babies who don't have a mom or dad to snuggle them in the middle of the night.) I tell myself that some day, I will miss the snuggly baby days. I tell myself that it really isn't that bad.
But when I haven't gotten much more than 5 hours of sleep in a night in 20 days, I sometimes forget to be thankful.
So I started out today with every intention to try a new approach to get her to sleep tonight, but now as I write this, I realize that it's not that important. These moments are numbered. I will find the joy where I can and celebrate. I have a healthy baby, with a very healthy set of lungs.
Hopefully in a few weeks when I look back on this, I will still find the joy, but hopefully it will be the joy in a good night's sleep. :)

Mother's Day 2011...

...is even better than 2010.

Last Mother's Day, this little stick delivered some pretty great news.

And this year, I get to end the day snuggling.



I love my little peanut. She's got so much personality. I love being her mom.

I was going to post about the gift to my mom for this mother's day, but unfortunately I wasn't able to "finish" it in time. So I'll have to share at a later date. I hope she likes her macaroni, glitter, and paper mache Mother of the Year tiara!

WOH, mom!

Well, it's official. I'm now a WOH mom. Unfortunately, it's not some endearing term for being a hot mom, or even a term that teenage boys use to refer to their friend's mom. (I suppose that's ok.) I'm a Work Outside of Home Mom.
This new title was given to me on Monday, and so far, it's not awful. I got dressed (like, in an outfit with layers) and I even accessorized a little! My mom came to my home to watch Charlotte, and I begged her to stay until my lunch so I could run home and feed her (probably more comforting to me than to her). The plan is for my mom to pick her up from my house, and then take her to her house for the day. Well, apparently C refused to take a bottle. She's taken one before without any problem, she just turned into a milk diva suddenly and a bottle wasn't going to be good enough. That makes going back to work very difficult, knowing that my baby is spazzing out and starving herself. (That might be a dramatic description.)
We'll work on it. She wouldn't take a bottle yesterday from my mother in law either. She had no problem drinking from one given by me and by my husband, and she even took one (with hesitation) from my friend Katie while I was present and talking to her.
I might have the grandmas wear a scarf of mine or something so she can smell me, or show her a picture...hahha, I have NO idea if that would work. But I'm willing to try just about anything, because mama's gotta work (right?)
I will add that Charlotte is SO into me when I get home though. She's so so sweet and snuggly. I grow to love her so much more every day.
So today is my day off...I'm getting my hair done! I am SO excited to try something new, and hopefully it turns out. I'm getting on the Ombre train and I shall have super model hair by noon today.
I also am trying out a new sunless tan and I'll give you the report soon! We're going out for a nice dinner this evening with the family and I'm really looking forward to this little makeover before hand. :) I hope whatever I get done today will distract from the awful stye I have on my eyelid. Ack! Have you ever had one? It's miserable! You can barely see this little boil thing, but it caused my bottom lid to get puffy (just what I need!) and red and it's super painful. Gotta get rid of that asap.
Alright, on with the day!
Have a great week, friends!

a photo of Charlotte in her new hat. It might have to wait a year.