Like Sand Through an Hourglass...

You know those little moments that just happen and you tell yourself  "I never want to forget this"?
Sometimes they happen and it's just a nice moment and that's all. Other times, you wish there was something you could do that would guarantee that you'll never forget. We recently watched some home videos of my husband and his family at Christmas from more than 25 years ago. There was nothing momentous about the footage, and there was little to no narration, but there's something about it that makes you feel warm and I imagine his parents would remember things that were long gone when they see the old recording.

In the last couple of weeks, Charlotte will occasionally snuggle in my bed before she goes to sleep. We moved the rocking chair into Lena's room, and Charlotte is still in a crib, so there isn't much place to have some downtime with her. Besides that, she's never been big on cuddling. A few nights ago, she climbed up onto our big bed and was the little spoon to my big and I read a couple of books and we talked. Well, I talked and she listened.
Tonight she wanted to recreate that and once she was on our bed, she flopped around like a fish because she couldn't figure out how we got into that perfect snuggle just a couple of nights ago. While she couldn't make herself become the little spoon again, she found another cozy position, laying with her head on my chest while looking at my face.

This was one of those moments.

Charlotte's second birthday is tomorrow. I haven't spent much time reflecting on this lately, just with the busyness of Christmas and the New Year, and of course just not prioritizing a birthday party like I did last year.
As she lay with her ear on my heart and her hand cupping my cheek, I couldn't help but want to stay in that moment for as long as possible. There's a part of me that thinks she wanted the same thing, but then again, maybe she was just avoiding bedtime. She's growing up and becoming a little girl, and some day she won't climb into my bed and snuggle. She won't study my mouth as I speak because she wants so badly to repeat the words I'm saying, she won't pat my back like I do to hers, and she won't ask that I sing her songs before bed.

No matter what I do, and how hard I try, there is no guarantee that I'll remember that moment forever. The best I can do is write it down and take a picture. And since my phone is almost always handy, that's exactly what I did. The memory might slip through the cracks some day, but just like those home videos of Christmases 25 years ago, when you come across them again, it all comes back.

So here's to hoping that in 25 years I might just be able to come across this post, and these photos, and have those warm feelings wash over me once again.

and to celebrate 2 years, a little reminder of our first moments too.

While I can't wait to see what the future holds for this sweet little child, I wish I could just keep her this way forever. xoxo my gentle, goofy, sweet, little Charlotte.

365 Days

It's hard to believe that a year has gone by since I delivered my beautiful, healthy, 8 lb 3 oz baby girl. And I'm pleased to announce that we all made it through that year.
We survived an entire year without having a clue what we were doing. We endured the challenges that come with nursing and bottles, baby wearing and crying it out. We survived nap time routines and teething, swaddling and breaking the swaddle. We took photo after photo of mundane life, and waited with tingly anticipation for the first time that she rolled over, crawled, or pulled herself up. (And she's so close to those first steps!)
We had the video rolling for her first tastes of food, her attempts at sharing, and crawling backwards down the stairs.
I shed tears of exhaustion, guilt, fear, love, and joy. I laughed out of all of those same emotions.

We went from this:

To this:


Photo by Anne Jansen Photography



in the blink of a couple teary eyes.

Happy Birthday to my Sweet Charlotte Jane. You've brought more joy (and fear) into my life than I ever thought possible.

Thankful

Today I am more thankful than I've ever been. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams.
It's so easy to take what we have for granted, and just rattle off what we're thankful for without really reflecting on it. But today, I truly have thought this out.
My husband and I both have jobs that enable us to stay on top of our bills and then some.
We have a stocked fridge and pantry with nutritious food.
We have a warm home, even if we choose to keep it at arctic temperatures.
We have a beautiful daughter who is healthy, smart, strong, funny and the stinking light of my life.
We have "we". A wonderful marriage (that of course is not wonderful every moment) - my husband is easily the greatest man I know. He is reasonable and level headed which is the perfect balance to my crazy and impulsive nature.
We have wonderful and loving families.
We are so healthy it's sickening.

I'm not sure what we did to deserve this crazy outpouring of blessings but I am so grateful. SO grateful.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, friends.

Charlotte's Baptism

Today Charlotte was baptized! It was a beautiful service at our church and we really felt God's presence there today.
I have always loved our baptism services at church. We have some pretty amazing pastors who just have a great way with words.
I just love how Charlotte was welcomed into such a loving community of believers who promised to offer their support and prayers for her. And on top of that, it's a huge reminder of God's grace. As hard as it is to believe, Charlotte is not perfect. She was born into a world full of sin, and God has promised her the opporunity to have a fulfilled life amidst all of the garbage in the world.
While standing in front of the congregation, I was trying to hold it together as Pastor Joy talked about the hard times that are to come - how someday she might be feeling lonely (NO! I never want her to feel lonely!) and that life has so many challenges - and throughout all of it, God is faithful to his people. God reached out to my little Charlotte and promised her Hope! Oh, it brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.
Following her baptism (she tried to eat the bowl containing the water - no little splash of water for this baby! she's drinking it!) , our church has a tradition in which a family member brings her around and people offer their blessings and well wishes and it's absolutely amazing!! I followed Marcus as he marched her around. The first person we passed was a boy who was about 8 years old who held her feet and looked right at her and said "God bless you!" SERIOUSLY!? I somehow managed to keep it together. It always seems like I'm the only one who's super emotional about this stuff.

Overall, it was such a wonderful experience. We had our family over to our home afterwards and enjoyed the beautiful day!


I don't always put a giant flower on her head. :)
With Dad before the service





She loved making new friends




With the Grandparents



Love that smile!



Charlotte loves Kylie!

Six Months!

Sometimes I simply cannot believe that I have a child. A little human who relies on me for just about everything. Okay, everything. And to say that she's been here for 6 months already is nuts!
To say it was the "best" 6 months of my life would be an understatement. I simply cannot use a word that describes 7th grade camp or turtle cheesecake when summarizing the last half year.
To say it was exhausting and joyful at the same time or simultaneously terrifying, draining, fulfilling and delightful...might be more like it.
So, in lieu of a sappy post (we'll save that for when she's a year), we'll take a look back to see how much she's grown!

Darby used to love Charlotte. She prefers to have her own space now. My goal was to have a photo each month to show how big Charlotte was getting in relation to her dog, but Darbs won't have it.

This pretty much sums up the first month. She was not colicky, just fussy. I had to implement the 5 S's from Happiest Baby on the Block at least 5 times a day. But at least I had discovered what worked within the first month.

We started cloth diapers at 2 months. They were huge and hilarious.

Look how huge those leggings are on her chicken legs!

She started to get a little more fun at 3 months. But right when we thought we had the sleeping thing down, she threw us a curveball. And we didn't sleep for months.

Starting to look a lot more like Papa Elf Bear

Pudging out a little more! And being hilarious in general.

I won't lie about it. I like the pouty lip shots because it's the one time she sort of resembles me.

No teeth yet, but love to chew on just about everything.

Around 5 months she really started to get easier. She smiles all of the time, is a delight to be around (when she's not grunting her fool head off) and loves to play with toys.

Such a sweet, sweet girl.

Sitting up!

Laughing at Dad and looking exactly like him.

Life is good at 6 months.

If I hadn't carried her around in my giant belly for 9 months, you'd barely know the kid was mine.

I've really noticed lately how independent she is. I know that seems like an oxymoron...independent baby. I picture a diaper clad baby with a wide brimmed hat and satchel taking on the town...Think "Madeline" but squishier and smaller. Uh, anyway.

She's independent in the way that she sometimes prefers to play alone and holds her bottle by herself. I guess these are just little things, but it just makes me see that she can do a few things without the assistance of her hovering mother. Soon, she'll be choosing her own outfits and riding a bike...but today, she is still little. And there's nothing I can do to keep her this way. And dammit, I've made myself cry.

Sugar & Spice and Everything Nice

Our little nugget is a SHE!

Yesterday we went to the "big" ultrasound, where they check and measure everything. It was one of the greatest days ever. Just watching my baby in there hanging out was so wonderful. I even thought to myself, "if they can't tell us what the sex is, it's okay! I just want it to be healthy!" That was until he just about gave up on looking. He basically told us that we'll have to come back in a few weeks (there was another area he wanted to double check because he didn't have a great view). I was soo disapointed! I started to tear up a little bit, knowing I was being ridiculous...but when you look forward to something so much and it doesn't work out, it's an automatic response.
I snapped out of my self pity when I realized that all too often, I'm sure, there are far more disapointing things that are discovered during a routine ultrasound. So, I am grateful to find out that there are no (obvious) issues at this point.
Anyway...the dr. gave it one last shot, trying to capture my baby's essence. Not sure when I became such a know-it-all when it comes to ultrasounds (after all, this guy is on the board for american ultrasound blahblahs) but I KNEW it was a girl! He wouldn't say it. It was not how I had envisioned it, but little in life is all that predictable!
So he said "I'm 85% sure it's a girl." And then we pretty much got up and left.

A GIRL! I am so scared! And excited! She is going to be decked out in frills and glitter and butterflies. I love her. I can't wait to see what she looks like. I hope she looks like Marcus. With a little dimple. Oh, sweet little girl. You've already changed my life.