Unsafe Baby Toys

I got an email today that listed the every day items that babies play with that are likely to be unsafe.
You can see the article here: Unsafe Baby Toys

I think pretty much every parent has allowed their little one to play with those items. For example:  “Remotes aren't safe to play with,” says Berkowitz. “Remote controls contain batteries, which can be dangerous if ingested."

So with that in mind, babies should not play with anything that has batteries, especially if they know how to use a screw driver.

I thought since I am a parenting expert, I would make a list of things that are, in fact, unsafe for children to play with. 

Knives.  Even though you might only let your child hold the handle side of the knife, knives are not toys. Unless of course they are toy knives. In which case, stab away.

Insulation. Sure, it seems soft and fluffy. But insulation is dangerous because it makes you itchy. So even though it seems like a good toy, I would not offer insulation to my child as a toy. I would, however, offer it as a chore. We need to get this basement project done.

Fire. We all know that children should not be allowed to play with fire. When I was little, I started a fire in the basement with my step sister. This is unsafe to your children because you will get very upset and that hurts their feelings.

Those are really the main things that I feel are important. Knives, insulation and fire. That pretty much sums it up. 

But in all honesty, the fact that those "toys" were even compiled into a list of unsafe toys is so ridiculous. "children under two years old shouldn’t be exposed to screens, like the ones on tablets, smartphones and televisions. That’s because research has found that kids under two aren’t able to understand the educational content, and they learn best from unstructured, unplugged playtime and learn more from live presentations than from video."

Exposed to screens? Are they aware that it is 2012? They don't understand educational content? Then how is it that when my nephew was 18 months old, he could find the Angry Birds app, the MLB app, and Alvin & the Chipmunks on the HBO app? Maybe his time is better off with a good ol' cardboard book, but maybe it's not. (Don't get me wrong, I think it's absolutely necessary to spend some time "unplugged".) 

Claiming that cell phones are unsafe to babies because of poop being found on them is a bunch of baloney because we know that if you have a kid, it's likely that poop particles are found on just about everything in your house. I mean, not mine. My house is clean. But your house has lots of poop particles. You are gross.

I don't need to continue to break the list down, but I just found it ludicrous. You should also know that it took me several tries to spell "ludicrous". Damn you, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges and your catchy rap. 

LUDA.