Friday, July 22, 2011

The Me I Am.

Do you ever feel like you're not who you used to be?
There are so many different phases of life that remind me of how much I've changed since that last phase.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, it occurred to me that life as I knew it was different forever. For years, I came and went as I pleased, busied myself in a million extra curricular activities, and had very few others to consider other than myself. How selfish does that sound!
I distinctly remember thinking, this isn't about me anymore. No matter what happens (with all of the uncertainty pregnancy and childbirth brings), I am completely and utterly changed because of this.
Those feelings were spot-on.
Women morph into these new creatures after becoming a mom. You learn very quickly that you are capable of so much more than you ever thought you were. In a few short weeks, you learn to run on E. You instinctively put someone elses needs so far above your own that in a way you've forgotten about your own existence. At least for a little while. The dust settles, the fog clears, or whatever analogy fits best, and you take a look at yourself and realize you will never be who you used to be, so it's time to figure the new you out.

This is what I'm currently doing. Trying to determine who I am again.
I'm not saying the old Emily isn't in here anymore. My kick ass-ness is still present. There's just a little padding on it. Some of the edges of fraying. Sometimes the kick ass needs a good polishing before it goes out in public.
And the problem  is I can't decide what I am. Am I the frumpy mom-lady I feel like most of the time? Am I trying too hard to be nouveau mom? Aack!
But instead of trying to figure out who I am and smack a label on it in my spare time, I think I'll just live my life. Because like I mentioned : this isn't about me anymore.

Well, all the time, anyway.

Share your thoughts. Anyone else feel like they lost themselves in the mix? Or were you strong enough to hold on to a few scraps of the former you?


  1. I am most definitely a new (and better) version of myself but I didn't feel that way until about a year ago. It took about 7 years of motherhood for me to feel like I found my groove - is that sad or what? I'm a new and better me and I wouldn't change a thing.

  2. I've never had a baby, but I know exactly what you mean when your whole life perspective shifts suddenly and dramatically and you're kind of bewildered like.... ok, so who am I now in light of this? It's scary and uncomfortable, but when you find your footing, it's so settling and much more rewarding because you realize just how valuable the things are that make you who you are.