Insanity Update!

So I'm over a week into the Insanity program.
And since there is no point in lying, I will just tell you that I do not do it 6 days a week.
I've been able to do it 4 or 5 times in a week, which I feel is still pretty good.
I follow the nutrition plan for the most part as well. I have a LOT of work to do still, but I'm happy I've at least made steps in the right direction.

I had Marcus take "before" pictures of me and I really am not a fan of documenting my pudge in photo form. It's one thing to be fully clothed and working with what you've got, it's another to be quite vulnerable in too-tight shorts (because that's what I own!) and a sports bra facing the camera. Do I smile? Do I frown because it's a "before"? Do I wink to see if I still got game even with pudge? I went with "sheepish smirk". I'm already looking forward to the "after" photos, although I'm guessing it's going to be more than 60 days.

The good news: I've lost just over 2 lbs. whooop!

For those of you who are curious about the workout, it's totally doable. Some of the moves are really tough and I try not to do a modified version. It's better to do 1 or 2 of the real move in 30 seconds than to crank out 15-20 of a modified version. So it's definitely a challenge, but I feel really good about myself when I complete a workout! I get annoyed with a couple of the people on the dvds that they keep zooming in on because I'm pretty sure they're acting. I mean, it's tough. Don't get me wrong. But there's one chick who seriously looks like she's in labor during the warm up. Come on, chick...you're in incredible shape. Knock it off. (I just found that there are facebook pages making fun of her! That's not nice...but it is sort of funny!!)

But it's fun, and it's not completely time consuming. I can usually do it during Charlotte's nap, or even when she's awake...she finds me very entertaning! Unfortunately, she's going through a phase (again! acccccck!) where she's been taking 45 minute naps again. So it's hard to get much done during her catnap.
I'd love it if you'd join me in going insane!

The Me I Am.

Do you ever feel like you're not who you used to be?
There are so many different phases of life that remind me of how much I've changed since that last phase.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, it occurred to me that life as I knew it was different forever. For years, I came and went as I pleased, busied myself in a million extra curricular activities, and had very few others to consider other than myself. How selfish does that sound!
I distinctly remember thinking, this isn't about me anymore. No matter what happens (with all of the uncertainty pregnancy and childbirth brings), I am completely and utterly changed because of this.
Those feelings were spot-on.
Women morph into these new creatures after becoming a mom. You learn very quickly that you are capable of so much more than you ever thought you were. In a few short weeks, you learn to run on E. You instinctively put someone elses needs so far above your own that in a way you've forgotten about your own existence. At least for a little while. The dust settles, the fog clears, or whatever analogy fits best, and you take a look at yourself and realize you will never be who you used to be, so it's time to figure the new you out.

This is what I'm currently doing. Trying to determine who I am again.
I'm not saying the old Emily isn't in here anymore. My kick ass-ness is still present. There's just a little padding on it. Some of the edges of fraying. Sometimes the kick ass needs a good polishing before it goes out in public.
And the problem  is I can't decide what I am. Am I the frumpy mom-lady I feel like most of the time? Am I trying too hard to be nouveau mom? Aack!
But instead of trying to figure out who I am and smack a label on it in my spare time, I think I'll just live my life. Because like I mentioned : this isn't about me anymore.

Well, all the time, anyway.

Share your thoughts. Anyone else feel like they lost themselves in the mix? Or were you strong enough to hold on to a few scraps of the former you?

Midweek Happenings

I was true to my word and started my Insanity workouts. I "officially" started on Monday, and I've completed a work out three times now. It's going great! I'll talk more on it in a week and give the update then.

I've also been completely addicted to Pinterest lately. I signed up quite a while ago when I first heard about it in May, but only use it on and off...but lately I can't pull myself away. I've come across SO many ideas for food, fashion, crafts, decorating, organizing and awesomeness in general.
I found this little gem this week and thought it was too sweet:

Let me know if you'd like an invite! Leave a comment with your email address and I'll send you one.

Little Charlotte continues to be the greatest, most smartest, most hilarious and most grunty baby on the planet.
She had her 6 month appointment last Friday (about 2 weeks late...) She weighed in at 16lbs 3 oz and that puts her in the 50th%. Her height and head are also in the 50th percentile range. Her awesome quotient is in the 150th percentile. It's a new measurement they take. They have this algorithm that somehow takes the total incredibleness of the mom and subtracts the poindexter factor of the father and it comes up with the awesome quotient...so...I guess there ya have it.

I just hosted a Thirty-One party this week. Have you ever been to one? Normally I wouldn't be into this stuff, but I loved it! I "earned" a ton of free product and scored a bunch of utility totes and bags and whatnot.

On the crappy photography front, I am really wanting to learn how to use my camera. I only know how to use it on automatic, and the good stuff comes out when you use it in manual. If anyone wants to give me a crash course in digital slr photography, let me know. I need all of the help I can get.

We've got #projectmarriage Date Night coming up this Friday! If you don't participate in Project Marriage, you should!! July Challenge!

Okay, thanks for putting up with my randomness. Catch ya later. :)

I might be insane.

I just bought the Insanity workout dvds.
I am picking it up tonight.
I can't keep this to myself because otherwise I might get away with not finishing.
If you're not familiar this program, click here.

Every time I saw the infomercial on TV I would be so inspired, but never took the plunge. It's time!
I'm fed up with not fitting into my clothes. I fell into a funk the last time I went shopping because I had to buy pants that are 2 sizes larger than my "normal" size, and I refuse to make this my new normal.

After I had Charlotte, I lost weight rapidly. I thought, "psht! big deal. I'll be back to normal in 2 more weeks." I plateaued after 8 weeks of weightloss...and then started gaining. And gaining. And gaining some more. Frankly, I disgust myself. 90% of the reason there's barely any photos of my child and me is because I delete most of them. I'll be dressed, hair done, makeup ready, get a cute shot....and then the sun shines wrong and showcases my trout arms.

So, enough is enough. A year and 4 months ago, I was in the best shape of my life and that doesn't say much. Time to be the best I can be.

Boom.

Six Months!

Sometimes I simply cannot believe that I have a child. A little human who relies on me for just about everything. Okay, everything. And to say that she's been here for 6 months already is nuts!
To say it was the "best" 6 months of my life would be an understatement. I simply cannot use a word that describes 7th grade camp or turtle cheesecake when summarizing the last half year.
To say it was exhausting and joyful at the same time or simultaneously terrifying, draining, fulfilling and delightful...might be more like it.
So, in lieu of a sappy post (we'll save that for when she's a year), we'll take a look back to see how much she's grown!

Darby used to love Charlotte. She prefers to have her own space now. My goal was to have a photo each month to show how big Charlotte was getting in relation to her dog, but Darbs won't have it.

This pretty much sums up the first month. She was not colicky, just fussy. I had to implement the 5 S's from Happiest Baby on the Block at least 5 times a day. But at least I had discovered what worked within the first month.

We started cloth diapers at 2 months. They were huge and hilarious.

Look how huge those leggings are on her chicken legs!

She started to get a little more fun at 3 months. But right when we thought we had the sleeping thing down, she threw us a curveball. And we didn't sleep for months.

Starting to look a lot more like Papa Elf Bear

Pudging out a little more! And being hilarious in general.

I won't lie about it. I like the pouty lip shots because it's the one time she sort of resembles me.

No teeth yet, but love to chew on just about everything.

Around 5 months she really started to get easier. She smiles all of the time, is a delight to be around (when she's not grunting her fool head off) and loves to play with toys.

Such a sweet, sweet girl.

Sitting up!

Laughing at Dad and looking exactly like him.

Life is good at 6 months.

If I hadn't carried her around in my giant belly for 9 months, you'd barely know the kid was mine.

I've really noticed lately how independent she is. I know that seems like an oxymoron...independent baby. I picture a diaper clad baby with a wide brimmed hat and satchel taking on the town...Think "Madeline" but squishier and smaller. Uh, anyway.

She's independent in the way that she sometimes prefers to play alone and holds her bottle by herself. I guess these are just little things, but it just makes me see that she can do a few things without the assistance of her hovering mother. Soon, she'll be choosing her own outfits and riding a bike...but today, she is still little. And there's nothing I can do to keep her this way. And dammit, I've made myself cry.

A Success Story

Hey y'all.
We. Have. A. SLEEPER!

I hope that if there are any of you out there that have had sleep issues with your little ones, you'll read ahead. We have a well rested family.

I have hesitated to write about it in fear of jinxing it. I'm sure there are plenty of you that know what I'm talking about. The moment you "brag" about your great sleeper, they change on you. And maybe she will after this post.
You may remember this entry or this one. And now that I look back, it's been over two months in the making.
I asked for lots of advice and suggestions. I think I read every book, blog, and magazine about it. I followed my instincts, and I ignored my instincts. I somehow managed to be consistently inconsistent. But we got it figured out.
When Charlotte was 4 months old, her pediatrician told me that "she can nutritionally go 12 hours without eating." I wouldn't believe it. She could barely go 5 hours without waking up and I assumed it was because of hunger. But starting then, I chose to not feed her at night. And breast-feeding moms? You know how that feels. Hello boobies!! There were times that I would get up to pump at night just so I could fall back asleep. Yes, Charlotte was still waking constantly, and I felt horrible about pumping when I could just feed her.
After several weeks of attempting to phase out a night feeding, we were sort of making progress. About once a week, we'd get a little bit more sleep.
But she was still a stinker.
Cry Cry Crying. She'd sleep great from 7:30-11, then she'd be up multiple times. For weeks, the most I got was maybe 3 consecutive hours of sleep.
This is when I started the book reading. And I am so thankful for the suggestions to read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.
::side note : my friend Betsy recommended this book. And her daughter sleeps like a CHAMP.::
This book saved my sanity. It was tough. I downloaded it on my eReader and found the parts that applied to me and started putting them into practice.
What it came down to was that she was going to have to cry. I mean, she was crying anyway, even when I was trying everything to get her to stop. So now I was just going to have to not try.
We turned down/off the monitor, and cracked the door so I could just barely hear her. I think it took roughly a week of doing this seriously. There were many nights where I had no idea how well she did because I couldn't hear if she was crying.
Okay, I'll cut to the chase.
She now sleeps 7:30pm-7:30am with 1-3 wake ups but goes RIGHT BACK to sleep many times without my help. The 5:30 wake up is harder to break, but we're getting there. She takes killer naps, but we are still enjoying a flexible schedule. It's not the end of the world anymore if her naps get screwy.

The downside to all of this? The lack of a night time feeding has greatly reduced my milk supply. The combo of that and going back to work and having less than comfortable pumping accommodations has meant that Charlotte is now on formula 99.9 % of the time as of last week. I miss the good ol' days, but life is getting so much easier and for that I am thankful.

Thank you to all of you who offered your help, and for any of you who are struggling with night time sleep, shoot me an email/comment/message on facebook. You can do it!

Oh, and we also broke the swaddle cold-turkey! Without a single problem, incidentally. I think I was so afraid to try it in fear that our nights would be filled with the screams of an enraged child, but she's getting too big for it. And it worked!

Moving ahead towards our next hurdle...whatever that might be.
Crap. Now we'll be dealing with teething.
But at least I know she is capable of being an incredibly awesome baby.
sigh.