The Reason I Shop Online

I love me some Internet shopping. Where else can you find 90% off a Shamballa bracelet for one day only plus FREE shipping?! (Yes, I now have a Shamballa bracelet. I thought it was cool looking, didn't realize the deep spiritual meaning behind all of it, but whatever.)
But sometimes I still like big box shopping and getting out of the house. Today was one of those days. I had a couple things I wanted to pick up and a few errands to run. I decided to head to the mall with the kiddo.
Online shopping does not require the preparation that a trip out does. I loaded up a couple of diapers, wipes, a blanket, and nursing cover just in case. I had Charlotte fed and changed and happy before heading out. We drive 15 minutes to the mall and all is well. Except for my high level of irritation with the general population. (I used to list patience as a good quality about myself. I don't know where the h it went.)
I right away enter the covered parking area and head to the reserved parking for "expectant mothers and mothers with small children" (No dads allowed, evidently). There are no spots available. Oh well, I'll look for another spot.
I wait for 150 year old man in handicap parking spot to back out for an eternity.
I find the last spot available in the covered parking lot, and I wait for a car to back out. It looked like rain, and I was pleased I found the last spot.
BIG IDIOTIC STUPID LOSER BACKWARDS HAT DBAG squeals into parking spot from other direction.
The sky opens up and it begins to POUR.
I park in the spot right next to BISLBHDBag. Just outside of the covered parking.
It's absolutely pouring on me as I get out the stroller, get Charlotte out of the van and clicked into the stroller. I had grabbed an umbrella and the stupid crappy thing flips inside out in the wind. I am soaked.
BISLBHDBag is texting in his car, and gets out as I walk by. Now, I am not one to give dirty looks. Today was the perfect time to try it out. It felt nice. I think I'll do it more often.
I briskly walk to the mall entrance, and find it very annoying that no one moves out of my way or genuflects as I go by. Ugh.
I pass an open spot reserved for mothers with small children. UGH!!!
I am shopping at one of my favorite stores when the sales associate reminds me that I get an extra 25% off regular and sale priced items when I mention Ellen DeGeneres! Hooray! So I'm browsing the sale rack, and another woman approaches and is grabbing at the same clothes I am on the opposite side of the rack. I look up, and the woman is a giant. She's practically yanking a silk dress out of my hands and I wanted to shout at her how this is clearly not her size. Now, don't get all judgy at me, ok? I am not claiming to be tiny. But I am claiming to not be 6'3 and 230#. I ever so gently yanked the dress back, and pulled it off the rack. I Looked at it, and put it back. LOL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??!
First the dirty look, now this?!
Meanwhile, Charlotte is being a good little girl, but it's time for a nap and she's making this grunty/squeaky balloon sound she makes when she's getting sleepy. I leave the store and walk around trying to get her to fall asleep as we have more shopping to do. As I rearrange her blankie to be soft and cuddly by her face, stink waves are emanating from her carseat. The little bugger went big time twozers.
I head towards the ladies room, when SON OF A %*%#@!!!!! I left the diaper bag at HOME. I peek at her closer, and the mess is not contained. My blankie technique worked and she was falling asleep. Oh geeze.
So I have a few choices here:

1. Let her sleep in her stinky poopy pants and continue to shop around the mall, just so she can get a nap in, even though I was pretty much done. This option would be a big waste of time. A big stinky waste of time.
2. Stop at the store and pick up some diapers, change her, and continue my errands. This option would require a full wake up, and I'd have to attempt to get her back to sleep in her carseat after this.
3. Drive home, change her, and hope she goes back to sleep in her crib. This option would require the sacrifice of my getting something done.

I chose option 3.
We made it back home in the pouring rain and I need new wipers. They make a horrible nails on chalkboard sound.
I think it was a wise choice coming home as Charlotte was big giant stinky mess and I got her back to sleep almost immediately.
So yeah, I think paying $5.95 for shipping isn't that big of a deal.
I did get a cute top for 25% off though! Thanks Ellen DeGeneres!

World's Best Mom

This is my new title. I appointed myself with it. I'm not even being sarcastic. I might be exaggerating though.
When I get some sleep, I am a better mom and a better person in general. And after a night like last night, I am the best.
That's all on that subject.

Next on the docket? My husband's birthday is this week. In years past, I've most likely had his gift ready and wrapped (or at least ordered). Uhh...I feel like I've already screwed this one up.
I feel like I have to scramble around looking for something that he might like that is also a good deal (it's always a bad idea to pay full price for something in this household). The best way to get a good deal is via the internet, and I no longer have enough time to order something. I simply cannot keep using the baby as an excuse for all of my mess ups. That's not nice, nor completely true. And on top of all of this? He has become too stylish for me to afford. Since when did the boy that I met go from baggy jeans and 5k t shirts to William Rast jeans and True Religion socks? Seriously. I shop at Target (not that there's anything wrong with that...I love tar-jay), and he uses Bumble and Bumble in his hair. I may have created a monster. Yes, I'm taking credit for the transformation. True Religion socks. <shakes head>

Today is my day off and we start out by taking the ol' (3 year ol') hound to the vet to check on her tumors. I feel so sad and just hope she's still doing okay. I don't want to keep having her be cut open and deal with the stitches and healing...but it might be our only option. We're going to discuss other treatment today if necessary. Oh, how I love that dog. And HEY! HATERS: We still love our doggie the same after our baby arrived. Charlotte easily has priority, but Darby still gets her daily park, rollerblade, run...etc.
So after the vet, it's time to find the best birthday present OF ALL TIME!!!!
(Any suggestions are appreciated. :) )

Sunday Randoms

Since I'm still slightly sleep deprived, I'll probably do this bullet point style. But I might forget. So forgive me and my poor formatting.

• Not sure if I need to mention this, but C (and PUH-leeease don't call her Char!!) (holy shit if one more person refers to her as Char, so help me.) is still not sleeping so great. We've made a little progress, but we're still working on it.
• Charlotte (but not Char-LOT) had her 4 month appointment this week. She is, as suspected, a peanut. I could go ahead and misuse the word literally like literally everyone I know but then I'd have to punch myself. She is figuratively a peanut. Her head and weight are in the 30th percentile (she's 13.4 lbs) and her height has stayed in the 50th. She has been in the 50th percentile since birth, and the dr. said it's totally normal at her age to not gain as much weight since they are using a lot of energy developmentally. I may have made that whole thing up as I don't remember anything she actually said.
• I had a garage sale last weekend and today we're finally cleaning up the stuff that didn't sell and we didn't give away. I really don't like bringing these things back in the house but at the same time I wasn't ready to part with them since I wouldn't give them to charity. But the good news is we made some money. I don't feel the need to do another garage sale for at least a few years.
• Speaking of things I don't like about myself (the fact that it took over a week to clean up the garage again) I really wish I was more awesome. You'd think I'd learn to be more prepared 1) as an adult and 2) as a mother. I never have a pen in my purse. I carry around a huge ass handbag, and the only thing it's filled with are some cough drops that fell out of the package and a bunch of receipts. One day, Marcus put some pens in my purse because he respects women who are prepared. I can never find them. I also forget a burp cloth, baby wipes, an extra diaper...the things that matter. Oh, and today I had to do my make up in the car on the way to church and I forgot eye makeup. I looked like a 6th grader with my wet ponytail and undefined eyes. Ugh. I wish I could just get it together! UGH.
• Oh, back to Charlotte. Her ped gave us the okay to start solids. I was all "for realz?" and she was like "fo sho!" It didn't really go like that, but yes, we can proceed with rice cereal and after a couple weeks, she encouraged me to offer veggies. I kind of thought I'd wait until 6 months, but since she's little, and always hungry, I figured we'll give it a shot. She is really excited about it most of the time, and she is getting the hang of it. Definitely messy, and to get her used to it, I offer it from my finger. So it ends up looking raisin-y by the time her meal is over.
• We also set up her exersaucer this week and it's SO fun watching her in there. She mostly just stares at her toys, but loves to stand up. There is this chameleon that lights up and sings a song that sounds like a band during the british invasion. It stays in my head like crazy and I wake in the night singing "RED, YELLOW & BLUUUUE woo woo woo!" ack.

On that note, here's a few photos of her hangin out.

Apparently it's the standing + toys that = fun

wtfreak do I do now?

One day later, she's learning.

(I'm a little disapointed that the camera focused on the monkeys and not her face.)

Seeking Out Joy

I've been feeling quite conflicted the last couple of weeks.
I'm only documenting this so that in a few hopeful months weeks, I will be able to say "oh, that wasn't so bad."
If you watch Parks and Recreation, you might remember the episode in which Rob Lowe's (so dreamy!) character likens his body to a microchip and a that a grain of sand could destroy it.
Well, let's say Charlotte is a lot like Rob Lowe (lol). Her microchip has been compromised.
I have no idea what has gotten into her. Each night has progressively gotten worse.
It was several weeks back that I was feeling more confident with her sleeping capabilities. Even if she was sleeping 5 hours before waking for a feeding, it was 5 hours straight. I'd say on average each night she slept 5-6 hours, and we had a handful or two of some 7-9 hour stretches (which was only a gift from God.)
On vacation, she started waking more frequently, and I would help her out by giving back her pacifier, reswaddling, or just a quick little jostle of her bed to sooth her back to sleep. I generally don't pick her up unless it's time to eat, and in general, she doesn't need me to pick her up at night.
Each night since coming back home, she's spending more time awake. I originally thought she's hungry, but then I wasn't so sure, so I did the "unthinkable" (okay, that's an exaggeration), and let her cry the last 3 nights. The thing is, she doesn't cry when I put her down to sleep. So when she wakes in the night, I hop up to make sure she isn't hanging upside down by her footies or something crazy. Then she either goes back to sleep, or cries 15 minutes later. Or 30 minutes later. Or 40 minutes later. Or 5 minutes later. Or an hour later. I never know what it will be. Even after a feeding after 5 1/2 hours, she cried, which she never does at night.
She's not too hot, not too cold, quite possibly starving. Last night I let her cry for what seemed the entire night. There were at least 3 times where I figured it was a half hour (I had fallen asleep and woke again to her crying...still? again? I DON'T KNOW) and every hour at least 10 minutes before I went back in and gave her the paci.
Here's where I'm conflicted. Babies cry for a reason. And sometimes that reason is that they just want mom.
But the rules are that night is for sleeping.
But she's just a baby and sometimes needs her mom.
But I need sleep.
But she might be hungry.
But she needs to learn that she can put herself back to sleep.
But I want her to know that I'm there when she needs me.
I tell myself that this is temporary, and she's only little for such a short time. I thank God when I get to wake up with her that I have a baby and a warm home where she can feel secure and safe. (I've even had a late night cry about babies who don't have a mom or dad to snuggle them in the middle of the night.) I tell myself that some day, I will miss the snuggly baby days. I tell myself that it really isn't that bad.
But when I haven't gotten much more than 5 hours of sleep in a night in 20 days, I sometimes forget to be thankful.
So I started out today with every intention to try a new approach to get her to sleep tonight, but now as I write this, I realize that it's not that important. These moments are numbered. I will find the joy where I can and celebrate. I have a healthy baby, with a very healthy set of lungs.
Hopefully in a few weeks when I look back on this, I will still find the joy, but hopefully it will be the joy in a good night's sleep. :)

Mother's Day 2011...

...is even better than 2010.

Last Mother's Day, this little stick delivered some pretty great news.

And this year, I get to end the day snuggling.



I love my little peanut. She's got so much personality. I love being her mom.

I was going to post about the gift to my mom for this mother's day, but unfortunately I wasn't able to "finish" it in time. So I'll have to share at a later date. I hope she likes her macaroni, glitter, and paper mache Mother of the Year tiara!