I've talked with people recently who admit to feeling overwhelmed by housework, read about moms who feel like they're letting themselves or their family down if they don't keep a neat home. I am definitely in the same boat 99.9% of the time.
I follow a couple of blogs with tips on staying organized, mostly so I can bitch about how type A they are and what a miserable life that must be. And occasionally I'm like "oh I should go alphabetize my socks right now too!" But most of the time I get super jealous and feel bad about myself and what a failure I must be.
I have my moments where I am ambitious and I get shit done. But even on a Saturday when I have extra help at home, it still takes a really long time to do what takes others 10 minutes.
My whole point here is if you feel like you can't stay on top of it, you're not alone. So here. You can start feeling better now:
Mud room. Absolutely no organization to it. Drives me nuts. Makes me anxious to share this.
Family room after moving all the random stuff onto the coffee table (instead of just putting it away) to clean the carpets.
At least the carpet is clean.
The things tossed on the stairs "so I can bring them up next time I go upstairs." hahahahahaha
Oh yeah. Don't we have a playroom down here? yup. It's bulimic.
Maybe If I just move everything to the bottom it won't look as messy.
If you're looking for something, it's likely it's stuck on the fridge.
Ugh. the kitchen table. We eat our meals here. HOW? By moving that pile someplace else, that's how.
And it turns out I'm a mess too. I have spit up all over this shirt. Notice the finger prints on that mirror. DEAL WITH IT.
Just because I'm sharing these things doesn't mean I don't care about the mess. I do, and I clean it up when I feel like I can. But you know what? My girls are fed. 3, sometimes 4 times a day. There's bowls, plates, bottles and sippy cups laying around to prove it. There are toys strewn about because mommy told you to just go play with your toys already, we spend time playing and reading together.
With people posting, sharing, pinning, instagramming everything these days, it can be easy to feel like you don't measure up to it all.
But dude. This is my house on a normal day. Not a tornado day, not the day of cleaning, just a normal day. Sorry if you're disappointed.
No I'm not.
I just hope I made you feel a *teensy* bit better about not always being on top of it all.
Do you think that social media has an impact about how you feel about yourself, your home, or your possessions?
I do. But then I just read the confessions on Scary Mommy and decide I'm normal.
Every Monday around 1:30 I start to question my capability of being a mother. Coming off from a weekend where I had extra help makes Mondays all the more challenging.
Today was extra monday-y because Charlotte was testing me more than usual. I'd ask her to do something for me like "can you pick up the paci that I just dropped?" and she ignores me. So I said "Charlotte. You need to listen to me when I'm talking to you." dead behind the eyes.
"Kay. One more time. Please pick up the paci for mommy. Lena needs it." So she picks it up and THROWS it.
Lena has been taking short naps (30-45 minutes) and shrieks until she's fed. I just can't imagine she's that hungry after 2 hours, but I always offer her a bottle, and she drinks 3/4 of it, and wants more later. When she's not supposed to be napping, she is a peach. Very smiley and easy going. But holy crap. If you pop in and offer her a pacifier after she wakes, you'd think that she got her finger slammed in a door. She will not calm down until she gets fed. Rocking her and attempting to soothe her just fuels any fire. She eats so much now that she gets bottles, I just can't believe she can be that hungry. So I feed her, and all feelings of me wanting to run away from home go away as soon as she's not wailing.
Today at lunch, Charlotte told me she wanted macaroni and cheese. Well, in so many words. I figured out what she wanted, and she sat in her chair and waited. Well, saying she waited is giving her a lot of credit. She said "keeze!" (cheese) about one million times while getting more angry and impatient. The kitchen was an absolute disaster, I had to change Lena and get her down for a nap, all while ensuring the pot didn't boil over. Both the literal pot and the figurative pot of my brain boiling out of my ears and eyeballs.
After her mac and cheese, Charlotte asked for some yogurt on a "plate".
wrong move by mom #1: I put it in a small bowl.
So when she spazzed, I took it away from her. She stopped crying and I asked if she wanted it back. She said yes.
I gave her a spoon and she pushed it away.
I didn't realize I picked out the evil kind. (the internet is so great.)
wrong move by mom #2: put yogurt in spoon and attempt to feed her. got some in her protesting pie hole.
She then took her hand and scooped the yogurt out of her mouth. And then ate it off her hand.
What in the crap, sister?
Like I mentioned in a previous post, she really is quite easy, but of course since I put that out into the universe, it gets blown up in my face.
The last few days during nap time I hear her chatting a majority of the time about rockets. Probably talking to her home base on Mars.
Last night I put her to bed and an hour later she's yapping away. I go in and tell her to go to sleep and she says "okay mommy." and I don't hear a peep.
I think skipping sleep is catching up with her and that's why she has a love/hate with me and yogurt. Also, she's 2. She has a love/hate with everything at any given moment.
I've been asked by a couple of people recently if I want to go back to work. I can't help but think they're hinting that maybe I'm no good at this mom-thing and I should let someone else take over.
That's the sneaky postpartum depression remnants messing with my brain, because if I step outside of my brain (not literally possible), I recognize that they're just asking. Maybe suggesting that I get out of the house or something. But I can't help it. So then when I have nutso days where I feel like I'm losing it, I'm worried I'm not cut out for the job.
Winter is especially tough because we spend all of our time inside. The conditions are not ideal for a stroller walk, and to play with Charlotte in the snow while the baby sleeps doesn't give us very much time once all the snow gear is on.
We do have a vacation coming up in a couple of weeks and it will be really nice to get away and have family members that (hopefully) enjoy spending time with the girls so it makes my job a lot easier. I'm more anxious about how Lena will do on the plane this time around vs when she was 10 weeks and sleeping in my arms. I plan on having a lot of bottles ready as that seems to be her favorite thing lately.
Sorry for the lack of any interesting pictures. I do have a cute little video I shot with #vine (yep. I just hashtagged that.)
It's supposed to loop over and over, but I can't get it do it here.
My favorite is when she dances down by Lena. What a cheeser.
I know I can't possibly be alone when I feel like I'm going nuts staying at home with my kids, but what kind of odd behavior do your children exhibit that try your patience?
When Charlotte was an infant, we assembled her ExerSaucer Triple Fun Jungle when she was between 4-5 months. With Charlotte being our first child, it was always so fun seeing when she'd be ready for the next piece of gear. Sorta weird, I guess.
I remember it being a huge pain in the ass. Like with all the baby stuff, I would think "how hard can this be? idiots have babies all the time." Every piece of equipment was a giant pain to assemble. Apparently they want it to be "sturdy" and "safe". So roughly 2 years ago, I put the piece of junk together, and I'm fairly certain it took over an hour. I may as well have molded the plastic in the factory with all the other steps I needed to take to build it.
Charlotte played in it for months. It was great having a place to put her away from a hyper dog (she was younger and more rambunctious) and then once she was walking, I could take it apart and it could be yet another toy.
So certainly taking it apart should be easier than assembling it, I assumed. I assumed wrong. After her first birthday, I went to pull it apart and began yanking and tugging every which way, but there was an actual way to do it, and I had to look online to figure it out. And of course, when parts and pieces didn't stay attached, I was all "I'll remember where I put that when we have another kid someday." HAHAHAHA
idiot.
Now that Lena is the same age as Charlotte was when we first set it up, I thought we'd give it a try. Honestly, I didn't even think of it until recently and figured she was still way too small and we'd wait a few months. But she basically lays on the floor or sits in our laps, and I can tell she really wants to sit up on her own. The top portion was still assembled and looked like this:
So all I needed to do was pull it apart at the middle and jam it back on the base. That's all.
WRONG AGAIN.
I had to take the whole damn thing apart down to bare bones. But I only learned that after each and every step was half assed. I don't know why I don't learn.
Here we are after FORTY FIVE minutes of sweating.
Each step required me to undo it and do it again a different way. I am so stupid. But finally. After over an hour, I was able to get the thing figured it out.
And guess who loved it?!
THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!
The only problem is now we have another giant piece of gear in my family room that is not easily hidden. But I guess that's what a house looks like when you have kids.
I will defeat that butterfly.
I really hope I have it assembled correctly, but I wouldn't be surprised if it buckles under the weight of my 12 pound baby.
Do you need instructions when assembling an item or are you a gifted individual unlike myself?
I figure I'm due for a rant.
The following contains a story about poop, and blood. some related, some not.
Couple things: Poor Lena's guts aren't loving the transition to formula. It's been sort of hard on her tummy and she can't poop. Marcus called me while I was at the gym last night and I could hear her screaming in the background. He said it was like watching a birth. I didn't ask too many details and I assume he thought that only from the expression on her face.
At her last doctor's visit, it was discussed that she should start solids to possibly help her pack on the pounds. I know everyone has their own opinion on this, but I'm going to go with what my girls' doctor says. We talked about rice, oatmeal and barley cereal and decided that oatmeal will be the best option for her, given her poop history.
It's been about 10 days since we've started straight up formula and some oatmeal she's totally backed up. I called the doctor today to get some pointers, and the person I spoke with gave me some really excellent advice!!!!!!!
I explained to her that she was in extreme discomfort so I went out and got her a glycerin suppository. The phone med tech said they only recommend prune juice, and it should work in 24-48 hours. Well, I'm sorry I broke your rule, but she had relief within 10 minutes and slept all night.
So then I asked if the oatmeal could be part of the problem and she said definitely and asked if I've tried rice cereal. I told her that I thought that was more binding and it's not a good option for her, and she said "you're probably right" and then said I might want to try barley. "It's a different type of rice, it's called barley."
Oh you mean it's not actually rice at all, and that it's barley? got it. I'm glad I'm learning so much from you right now.
I also asked about giving her water. I never thought thought water was recommended for young babies, but have read that it's a treatment. She said never give her water, but that sugar water is okay. I seriously don't trust anything this woman has told me.
The other thing: I had to have a health screening today for life insurance. Someone was going to come to my house and perform this screening and it'd take 25 minutes. She showed up about 30 minutes early, but it really wasn't a big deal. She didn't tell me her name and I thought it was sort of weird, especially when I introduced myself. I feel like if you're going to show up at someone's house and make them pee in a cup, you should at least tell them your name. Common courtesy. You want to collect a specimen? just tell me your name, that's all it takes. She asked some question which prompted me to answer "well, I had a baby 4 months ago" (don't remember the question) and she responded with "aw, babies are cute." My guess is that she must not have children because that's a really weird response.
She then had to take a few blood samples. I've never had trouble with blood draws before, and while they aren't pleasant, it's usually not a big deal for me. She wrapped the tourniquet around my arm and pinched the ever loving shit out of it. I looked at my arm and my skin was all folded and squashed and it left a purple spot. She's all "oh my, you have tiny veins!" and I've never heard that before, but whatever. She said it at least 4 times. "tiny." So she pokes me and it absolutely killed. I've never had it hurt like that before! But whatever, the worst is over, right? Nope. No blood. Until she took the needle out, then it was spurting all over the place. So she tried the other arm (same pinchy tourniquet) and missed again because it was "wiggly". Back to the first arm, nothing. I asked her if she felt a pulse earlier, she was not amused.
Back to the second arm, poke #4. Nada. No blood. I apologized (WHY?) and she had to keep finding more band aids, smaller needles, different vials, more gauze, and then she tried my hands, where they "wiggled" out of the way too. I told her this has never happened before, and maybe my insurance would accept labs from the last 6 months? I was hinting to her that enough was enough. I told her that we'd have a real problem if I couldn't pee in a cup and I'm not even real. Still not amused.
I'm pretty convinced I just a had a weirdo come to my house who doesn't know anything about performing those tasks that just wanted my blood and pee. I don't know her name and then she was off into the blizzard.
What a weird morning.
have you ever received less than professional medical care?
I don't trust phone staff ever since the one time I was told over the phone that she thinks I had a miscarriage, and no I don't need to see a doctor about it.
Now that Charlotte is a two year old, she's really showing her true colors. Lucky for us, her colors are laid back, easy going, and holy cow I better not ever complain.
While I totally know there are many challenges ahead, this girl is the reason why we wanted more kids. Charlotte definitely has her moments (sometimes those moments last a couple of weeks), but overall, she is just a little peach. People occasionally will sympathize and say how it must be exhausting having a two year old and a baby, and I gracefully choose to say, yes, it can be tiring.
There are days like yesterday (where I found out a friend fell witness to the incident) where I needed to "quick" run into the store, and Charlotte was pissed. It was raining, puddles were everywhere, and as I was getting Lena out of the van, Charlotte plopped herself on the ground in a heap crying because she didn't want to go in the store. I parked right next to the cart thinger, only to have it completely empty, so I had to carry both girls into the store. Normally I wouldn't carry Charlotte, but she was having a meltdown and it was the only way to get her inside. Then her shoe fell off in the middle of the parking lot, so I had to bend down while holding toddler and infant carrier, and I put the shoe in the car seat. You would have thought I cancelled Christmas with the reaction of "giving Lena" the shoe. Once we got into the store, she zipped it up because I started singing the itsy bitsy spider.
But most days are this: wake up around 9:30 after 13.5 hours of sleep. Enjoy breakfast all while telling me how "nummy" it is. Get ready, play with toys, head out of the house after Lena wakes up from her nap if we're feeling especially brave (or desperate), and then on the way home she tells me she's tired, and she goes upstairs and takes a 3 hour nap.
There are tantrums, full on tears, snot and drool mixed together...this usually occurs around 5pm. There are days where she throws a bowl of cereal at me, and days where nothing can make her happy. But the moments of sweet innocent little girlness are far more common at this stage. I am writing this down so that one day, when she does a 180 and it lasts for so long I won't remember these days, there will be proof in writing that she used to be a sweet little girl.
Today we had lunch with my husband. She had the salad bar (free if you're under 5! our server actually asked if she was under 5.) and her three plates consisted of raw broccoli, peas, strawberries, grapes, garbanzo beans, hard boiled eggs and diced ham. She was even calling the garbanzo beans "marshmallows" and was eating the peas by the handful. Where did she come from??
Charlotte loves to dance and I try to record it, but if she catches me, she runs up to my phone and looks to see, but of course there's nothing to see once she's behind it. She loves to cuddle, read, and pretend every toy is food. Some people build towers with blocks, she serves blocks up individually as cookies, cake and muffins. Rockets are her new favorite mode of transportation, and she has sound effects and talks about outer space. Probably because that's where she came from.
Lena has a humidifier in her room and Charlotte thinks it's a rocket, and she never gets too close because she thinks it's hot.
"Rocket."
I might introduce her to the Astronaut Jones theme song.
She loves her baby sister, and even when she gets sick of her, she's still nice.
Yesterday Lena kept putting her hand on Charlotte's leg, and Charlotte would slowly take it off and act as if nothing had happened.
K, you're touching me, but I'll see if you move on your own.
no? okay, I'm just going to slowly move your hand away.
I make the call on when it's hand holding time.
And while I might only be writing these nice things because of this "story" that Kara sent me, it's also because of this, that was shared by Betsy.
So if Charlotte being herself was enough for us to want another child and having Lena was enough to make us want to be done, you might think that's cruel, or that Lena is so difficult. But the truth is, *if* we are stopping at two, it's only because we can't imagine it going any better, so why tempt fate?
If you have younger siblings do you think it's because your parents wanted another one like you, or because they thought they could do better?
I'm the youngest because perfection was finally reached once I was born.
You may think that the title of the post is for me. After all, I've been running, started up Insanity and attempt to get fit on a very occasional basis.
But it's not. It's for Lena. She's on a very strict diet and I finally have her down to just under 12 pounds at 4 months! She'll be looking great for our vacation in 5 weeks for sure!!
I kid.
Lena and Charlotte had a doctor appointment today and little Lena is exactly that. Little. She's in the 10th percentile for height and weight, and as I suspected over the last couple of weeks, she's quite hungry. I've been supplementing with bottles/formula for a couple of weeks, but it's time to just switch her over completely. I always said I wouldn't feel bad about being done with breastfeeding, but there's a little part of me that definitely does. Her ped is not concerned, so we'll see how she grows in the next two months. I have a feeling it will sky rocket with the recommended intro to solids too. Hopefully!
But the doctor's appointment went well overall. I had my husband meet me at the office because I wasn't sure I could handle two kids getting shots. Charlotte was not pleased initially, but I gave her some freeze dried strawberries and she shut her yap real quick.
Their ped seemed surprised that we hadn't been in since July and when I think about it, that's pretty awesome! We've all been so healthy it's easy to take it for granted. And when she asked about Charlotte's coordination, like if she trips or falls more than other kids, I laughed and said she's never actually gotten hurt. It's not like she sits around all day, she jumps and dances, but she's gotten like one bump on her head in 2 years and a scraped knee once. She sleeps a ridiculous amount and I was almost concerned about it, but the doctor was like "ENJOY IT." and told me to keep her in her crib until she's three. Fine with me!
Yah, this is not all that interesting, but it's just what's going on. High five for making it through.
You will be rewarded with this fascinating video of how two sisters can be so different.
After we had Charlotte, we pretty much stuck to family for babysitting. We occasionally had a friend or a friend's sibling help us for those quick middle of the day things, but in general, we relied on our family.
I was just a lot more comfortable with family, I knew they loved her and had her best interests in mind. At the same time, I didn't want to take advantage of our family or ask that they come out to our house every time so Charlotte could sleep in her own bed.
Now that we have Lena, I've finally decided it's time to find some "outside" help. After asking around, I decided to post a job at the Calvin College job board. Within a week, I had 6 responses! I couldn't believe it. I didn't do any sort of major interview over email, but I basically asked if they were comfortable watching a younger infant because I know that's probably the most challenging part of it.
HOW COULD YOU SAY I'M CHALLENGING?!
Of course, everyone said they were fine with it, but I still waited 6 weeks before I "hired" anyone. Over those 6 weeks, Lena has learned to put herself to sleep in her crib, but has also started waking up more in the last 2 weeks. So now I'm supposed to instruct someone who doesn't know my kid how to take care of her when I barely know how myself.
Last night was the first time we left both girls with a complete stranger. And let me just say, she made it easy to leave. When she arrived, Lena immediately grinned at her, and Charlotte said "hi" and was really excited about a new friend. Earlier in the day we had some friends over, and Charlotte played shy for the first hour, so I was really pleased to see how she warmed up right away. As I went over instructions and gave her a mini tour of the house, I knew it would go well...except I wasn't feeling completely confident with her knowing what to do with Lena. But come on. How could she?
me: Just swaddle her up and put her in her crib to sleep. She might whine at first, but she will go to sleep. her: What do I use to swaddle her? me: oh yeah. So I had to show her the velcro swaddleme thinger and hope she was okay with pinning down her arms. It's not always easy if you don't have a baby and you feel like they "don't like it."
me: okay, so if she wakes up, which she probably will...maybe around 8...? or something? you can give her a bottle. If you want, you can give it to her in her room and see if she goes back to sleep....on second thought, you can just get her up if you want....she'll probably be up for an hour or so...I guess I don't really know...
How could I expect someone to know what to do given that crappy instruct? I told her I'd check in after Charlotte's bedtime and when I did, I just told her to trust her instincts with Lena because that's about all you can do.
We enjoyed our evening out, but of course I was curious how she was doing at home.
Over all, I think it went well. She left Charlotte's door open and she's right next to Lena's room, so when the sitter told me that Charlotte woke up a couple of times I was like "huh??" She hasn't done that in over a year. But obviously when Lena was shrieking, it woke Charlotte up. And Lena stayed up until 10 or so, which isn't a huge deal. I was reeeeaallly hoping Lena would sleep like she has in the past when her grandparents have watched her. Without fail, she would sleep 8-10 hours after being babysat. Nope. Not this time. Worst night yet. She cried from 2:15-5:30. I really hope we're over this regression hump soon.
I will feel a lot more confident leaving her with someone once she has a solid bedtime, isn't crying it out, and is down for the night (or so).
It's a good thing I'm cute, huh?
Get over yourself. I hope you're a middle child someday.
We currently have 2 gift cards left to some good date restaurants, so our plan is to have a babysitter when we go so it'll balance out the cost of a night out.
When I babysat, I made about $3/hour. $5 was like the jackpot. I also walked to school uphill both ways. man, I'm old. Anyone know the going rate for babysitters? And can I pay them in Home Depot gift cards or old clothes I'm looking to get rid of?
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