Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Last night when I was up with Lena, a series of events occurred that resulted in what will become literary birth control. 
If you're bad at remembering to take your pill, just bookmark this post and read it every day for 5 days, until you can be sure your prescription is doing its job again.

Small print: That is not a surefire way to prevent pregnancy. I am not a doctor, but I watch a lot of TV and use google for everything. Also, the following is not a complaint about my sweet angelic Lena, rather it's stating the awesomeness that comes along with parenting. 

Back to normal print. 

Around 11:45, my husband brought Lena to me to be fed. It was one of the first nights where she was peacefully sleeping for about an hour before midnight. Usually she's quite restless between 9-12, so I was pleased I was able to actually get about an hour and a half of sleep before that. I was feeling really hopeful because of this, since the night before was sort of a challenge where she didn't want to go back to sleep after both of her night time feedings. 
We shared our Johnson & Johnson moment of peaceful nursing and calm quiet eye contact, when BOOM. Biggest burp and milk explosion all over me, her, and everything in between (as it turns out, that's not a whole lot.) I didn't want to rouse her by being all dramatic about it all, so I'm trying to tip toe around the creaking floors and find a burp cloth, screw that, an entire change of clothes, but she wakes up anyway. 

She went back to sleep about 40 minutes later and I climbed into bed. 2 hours later she wakes and she's ready to be fed again. She's in need of a diaper change, and being the smart cookie that I am, I change her first, so she can comfortably nurse and go back to sleep. 
For some reason though, she's just really ticked and I find it odd. Stop crying so loud, kid. I'm right here, I'm getting the job done. 
This is the sequence of events that then took place:
I change diaper, discover our last package of wipes is in Charlotte's room.
Find other* object to clean child.
Retrieve pacifier that keeps falling out and bouncing (those soothie brand are bouncy!) off someplace
Child pees all over while diaper is not on because I wasted too much time looking for something to clean her with.
Find new blanket to swaddle her in, as previous blanket was all wet.
Retrieve soothie (they really shouldn't make them in that clearish material. Impossible to find in a dimly lit room.)
Calm her down and get comfy to feed.
<15 minutes go by>
Big grunt, bigger poop. Ohhh...that's why we change diapers after a feeding.
Glad I changed swaddling blanket. I don't need to unwrap her arms, I can change her without startling her too much!
Dammit, still no wipes!! Use a different other* object.
Locate and retrieve rogue soothie.
Sit back down and attempt to rock her back to sleep without nursing, but end up needing to nurse.
Notice her arm looks funny.
Is there something wrong with her shoulder?
Am I swaddling too tight?
Is that why she was crying so loud earlier?
Holy crap is her shoulder dislocated?
OMG we need to take her to the ER!
Do we need to go to the ER for this?
What will we do with Charlotte?
Can it wait until tomorrow?
Will she be able to sleep if she's in pain?
I need to check out her shoulder!!
That means I need to unswaddle her and ultimately wake her up again!!!!
Realize I wasn't feeling her shoulder, but it was her elbow. (that would have been pretty crazy had her shoulder been way down there. It was 3am though. I get easily mixed up when I'm tired.)
Re-swaddle, re-paci, re-rock, cross fingers and put her down to sleep.
Climb into bed.
WAH. <wait>
WAH. <go in>
Repeat every 10 minutes for the next 40 minutes.
Decide to go downstairs and try the swing, and I'll sleep on the couch.
Snort, grunt, wah, sniffle, grunt
Repeat constantly until 6.
Good morning!!

*remind me to do laundry today, and also to bring wipes back into Lena's room.

Whenever we have nights like this, I wake up and think there's NO WAY I can make it through the day with a toddler and a newborn, but it's like when the sun comes up, my sanity comes back and I don't get body parts mixed up anymore. So weird. 

Do you get crazy brain when you're tired?
One time, when my husband was in college, I asked him why he had a box of cheez-its next to his bed. He told me that the night before he was coughing like crazy and he thought the only thing that would get the coughing to stop was by eating a ton of cheez-its. I think it may have if you learn anything from today's post it's that cheez-its cure whooping cough.


  1. I hate you so much.

    If you need me, I'll be sobbing to myself in my room.

  2. I wouldn't waste my time with sobbing. I'd be out buying diapers, wipes, and swaddling blankets.