Thursday, January 3, 2013

Like Sand Through an Hourglass...

You know those little moments that just happen and you tell yourself  "I never want to forget this"?
Sometimes they happen and it's just a nice moment and that's all. Other times, you wish there was something you could do that would guarantee that you'll never forget. We recently watched some home videos of my husband and his family at Christmas from more than 25 years ago. There was nothing momentous about the footage, and there was little to no narration, but there's something about it that makes you feel warm and I imagine his parents would remember things that were long gone when they see the old recording.

In the last couple of weeks, Charlotte will occasionally snuggle in my bed before she goes to sleep. We moved the rocking chair into Lena's room, and Charlotte is still in a crib, so there isn't much place to have some downtime with her. Besides that, she's never been big on cuddling. A few nights ago, she climbed up onto our big bed and was the little spoon to my big and I read a couple of books and we talked. Well, I talked and she listened.
Tonight she wanted to recreate that and once she was on our bed, she flopped around like a fish because she couldn't figure out how we got into that perfect snuggle just a couple of nights ago. While she couldn't make herself become the little spoon again, she found another cozy position, laying with her head on my chest while looking at my face.

This was one of those moments.

Charlotte's second birthday is tomorrow. I haven't spent much time reflecting on this lately, just with the busyness of Christmas and the New Year, and of course just not prioritizing a birthday party like I did last year.
As she lay with her ear on my heart and her hand cupping my cheek, I couldn't help but want to stay in that moment for as long as possible. There's a part of me that thinks she wanted the same thing, but then again, maybe she was just avoiding bedtime. She's growing up and becoming a little girl, and some day she won't climb into my bed and snuggle. She won't study my mouth as I speak because she wants so badly to repeat the words I'm saying, she won't pat my back like I do to hers, and she won't ask that I sing her songs before bed.

No matter what I do, and how hard I try, there is no guarantee that I'll remember that moment forever. The best I can do is write it down and take a picture. And since my phone is almost always handy, that's exactly what I did. The memory might slip through the cracks some day, but just like those home videos of Christmases 25 years ago, when you come across them again, it all comes back.

So here's to hoping that in 25 years I might just be able to come across this post, and these photos, and have those warm feelings wash over me once again.

and to celebrate 2 years, a little reminder of our first moments too.

While I can't wait to see what the future holds for this sweet little child, I wish I could just keep her this way forever. xoxo my gentle, goofy, sweet, little Charlotte.